Why Does My Vagina Hurt During Sex?

Dear Dr. Sex,

It seems like I have a problem… It’s a bit painful when my boyfriend penetrates me. We’ve only tried cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. When we’re doing the cowgirl, it was painful at first but it slowly fades after 2 tries. However, when we tried doing the reverse cowgirl recently, there’s this not-so-unbearable pain that I couldn’t explain. I feel like his dick is hitting a barrier inside me. The pain disappeared after the act, though.

I’m scared to go to an OB because most doctors that I know are pretty conservative. I just wanted to know if there’s anything wrong with me. Am I too small? Is there anything I can do to make the experience better for us?

Yours,
Cierra

Dear Cierra,

Thank you for sharing your story. Usually, women experience painful sex (dyspareunia) due to a lack of foreplay and vaginal lubrication. If you and your partner are just doing the deed without enough time to play around, your body might not be ready to get penetrated, thus painful sex.

Invest more time on spicing things up. Go for longer kisses, caresses, and licks to set the mood. Ask your boyfriend to take more time to stimulate your clit either with his fingers or tongue. This will you hornier and make you even wetter.

Now, if you feel like you’re super-duper horny but feel like your vagina’s not wet enough, you could be experiencing Arousal Nonconcordance. This happens when your mental arousal doesn’t match with your genital response. Now before you think there’s something wrong with you, Arousal Nonconcordance is normal and most women experience this. For situations like this, using a water-based lube will surely help.

But since you’ve mentioned that you feel like there’s a barrier when your boyfriend tries to penetrate you, you could also be experiencing Vaginismus. It’s a condition where muscles in or around the vagina shut tightly when it’s being penetrated. It’s caused by anxiety, fear of sex, past sexual trauma, and negative emotions towards sex.

But don’t worry, you can overcome this condition. If you want to go through this, you need to deliberately assess what triggers your vagina to clench involuntarily during sex. There are also physical symptoms that could trigger this, but you need help from a Gynecologist to further assess your condition.

There are also other causes for painful penetration, such as vaginal infections and sexually transmitted diseases. But since there are required assessments for this, I suggest you see a specialist for this.

I get that you feel embarrassed discussing this with a health professional, but you need to set away from the shame. You can also search online for sex-positive professionals that could help you. Getting the required medical tests is essential to help you know the root cause of this.

As for now, you can still enjoy experience pleasure even without penetration. Communicate with your partner about the things you’re experiencing during sex. Don’t force yourself into having sex just to satisfy him– sex should feel good for both parties.

Once you’ve discussed this with your boyfriend, you can ask him for more foreplay and clitoral stimulation. You can also level up your blowjob game as an alternative to vaginal sex. But if you wanna still give it a try, go for different sex positions aside from Cowgirl. Also, spend a lot of time on foreplay and have lube within reach.

Again, don’t be ashamed of seeking out on a medical specialist regarding this, Cierra. Not all medical professionals are ‘conservative’. You’ll surely find one that will help you get through this, trust me.

Yours,
Dr. Sex