So you’ve been with your partner for a while. And now you are toying with the idea of asking someone new to join you and your partner in the bedroom. But you are not really confident if your relationship is ready for threesome, no matter how hot and mysterious it is. And that’s okay. It’s understandable to feel unsure.
Threesome may be one of those things that’s so erotic to think about but doing it in real life is a little trickier than how you’ve imagined. In fact, just the act of asking your partner to have a threesome requires a bit of cautiousness on your part.
It’s hot, exciting, and can definitely make for a much spicier bedroom life. It’s a great way to explore yourself and your partner in a more sexual way. There’s also something liberating about it. You become more honest about what you enjoy and don’t. You find out where your lines are crossed and how much you can take.
What is a Threesome?
A threesome is a sexual activity where three people engage in outercourse, oral, and/or penetrative sex. It can be between FFM (two females, one male), MMF (two males, one female), or same-sex groups (all males or all females). This kind of activity is open to all gender and sexual orientations, but most people are hesitant to try it out as sex is seen as an activity among monogamous couples.
Pros
Are you considering trying out threesome sex? If you’re still on the fence about it, here are some benefits you can get from trying it out.
1You’ll gain a new sexperience.
Been doing the same thing over and over again in the bedroom? If you feel like your sex life is getting stale, trying new sexual activities such as threesomes can definitely spice it up.
However, if both of you have been doing “vanilla” sex from the beginning, jumping to threesome sex can be overwhelming. That said, opt for other simpler yet unique sexperiences such as using sex toys, getting restrained, outdoor sex, and the like.
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2When done correctly, it can strengthen your relationship.
Mutual trust and communication are required to have a successful threesome play. Setting ground rules, searching for the perfect third partner, planning on what everyone would do, and post-sex discussions— these things you’ll be doing with your partner aside from the actual sex.
That’s why couples who’ve successfully done threesomes tend to be stronger than ever, as they can properly communicate the hard stuff. Not only that but trying new things can also strengthen the bond between couples.
3It’s fun!
Adding a second player in your sexcapades can be fun, as it opens more ways to give and receive pleasure. You may also feel exhilarated by doing something considered taboo or if this is one of your sexual fantasies.
Cons
Engaging in a threesome can be fun and even beneficial in some relationships. However, it can also cause complications, especially if you haven’t thoroughly discussed the ground rules before doing the deed. Below are some of the cons of threesome sex.
1There’s a stigma surrounding it.
Having more than one partner in the bedroom is considered taboo and only done by “pervs.” This isn’t true, of course, but it may still affect your psyche while planning and doing the threeway. That said, we recommend taking time to learn more about threesomes and unlearn the stigma surrounding them.
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2It requires more planning than regular sexcapades.
As we’ve mentioned above, threesome sex requires discussing ground rules, searching for the third partner, planning out the “flow” of the deed, prior STD testing or preparations for contraceptives, etc. It’s much more tedious than having sex with your partner. But hey, if you really want to try it out, it’s worth the effort!
3Conflict may arise.
Threesomes may spice up your sex life, but they can also bring tension and conflict in the relationship, especially if you haven’t had enough preparation beforehand.
For instance, if your partner doesn’t like to see you engage in torrid kissing with someone else and they haven’t established this boundary, they may get hurt when they see you make out with someone else. That said, never have threeway sex out of whim and plan it out.
Things to Consider Before Having a Threesome
Jumping right into threesome may not be the best idea. If you ask at the wrong time, it can possibly ruin a good relationship that you have. Here are some of the things to consider before engaging in threesome sex.
1Do you want to or do you not want to?
Before you even consider if your relationship is ready for threesome, you first need to have some serious getting-to-know-yourself time. Not just you, but your partner as well. You both have to make sure that the decision to have a threesome is something that you actually want, and not something that you are being pressured into. If one partner wants it and the other is just going along with it, the threesome experience may not be as fun. Just think about it. Your partner maybe really getting into it, but you’re just kind of there, wallowing in bitterness and regret. Not exactly the kinky night you had in mind.
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2Sharing is caring
You’re way over your jealousy. You understand that sharing is caring. The saying, “The more the merrier” is something you now understand. You want to watch your partner touching and caressing someone else. The image of your partner putting on the charm on someone other than yourself gets you in the mood. You go crazy with lust over the thought of having your partner watch you while you get sexy with someone else.
3Fantasies are meant to be shared
The two of you have the naughtiest erotic fantasies. And you do not mind opening up about these fantasies at all. Matter of fact, you enjoy sharing those naughty ideas. You like to talk about trying out different things in bed. And you don’t stop with just talking about them, you actually find ways to try them out. Continuously exploring new ways to have fun in bed comes naturally to both of you. May it be sex toys, or a threesome. If that’s the case, then your relationship is pretty much ready for a threesome.
4When watching porn together is fun
Forget Netflix and chill. Porn and bang is more like it. You know you are ready when you and your partner are perfectly comfortable with watching your favorite porn stars. Plus, you pick and come to an agreement which genre of porn you are going to watch with none of you getting offended. You can point out which scenes or what it is in the show that you find hot and whether you like it to be done to you too.
5You know what can and can’t happen
So you brought up the idea of a threesome and you find that you are both game for it. You have talked it out like the mature adults that you are. Now that you have come into terms with it, you start to establish the rules. Is your third going to be playing with the both of you or just one of you? Is kissing even allowed? Do you stop at foreplay or do you go all the way with your third? Having honest answers to these kinds of questions is going to make your threesome experience more likely a success.
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Original price was: ₱1,195.00.₱776.75Current price is: ₱776.75.
6All’s good in the hood
Your relationship has to be in a good place, to begin with before you branch out and try a threesome. If you are expecting that a threesome can fix your relationship problems, then you are maybe expecting too much. It’s more for couples who are already secured and confident in their relationships and only searching for new adventures in bed or are seeking to improve their sexual plays.
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7No drugs needed to get the party going
If you can not do it sober, then your relationship is probably not ready for threesome yet. Having to resort to way too many shots of tequila or other substances just to get you warmed up for a threesome is a tell-tale sign that you are just forcing yourself to do it. And besides, doing it intoxicated may just cause harm for yourself and to others or you may end up not having a recollection of what happened because you were too high or too drunk to remember.
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8Better safe than sorry
This goes without saying. Always practice safe sex. You and your partner may be open to a threesome but the conversation does not stop there. Consider also how you are going to protect yourselves. Don’t feel any embarrassment when talking about safe sex. After all, you are inviting someone else in bed. It’s always better to be safe than to be sorry.
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9Choose and approve your third
The third person has to have both of your thumbs up and must have your trust. So who is it going to be? Is your third a man? Or a woman? A close friend of yours or a stranger you met on a dating app? How old is your third going to be? An old fling of yours or not? Choosing who you are going to let you join you in your most intimate moments needs some serious decision-making process. You have to be totally okay with discussing and dissecting your choice.
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10Respect begets respect
Respect for one another and for your relationship has to be there prior to engaging a threesome. You are willing to hear each other’s requests, consider it, and make accommodations. You put your relationship as a priority and understand that a threesome is just something to enhance what you already have. Without respect, then your relationship isn’t ready for a threesome. It will only complicate things. The experience may end up being humiliating for you or you can end up cheating with your third.
Threesome Essentials
Ready for your first-ever threesome? Aside from planning how it’ll go down for you and your partners, it would be best if you were equipped with the essentials to make your experience safe and fun. Below are some suggested sexual wellness products to get on your upcoming threeway.
Frequently Asked Questions
Still, have questions about threesomes? We’ve answered some of the common inquiries about this sexual activity below.
1Where can we find a third partner?
You can try looking for a third partner on swinger forums and dating sites. You and your partner can set criteria to help you decide. For example, the thirdy shouldn’t be connected with any of your friends or acquaintances and is someone willing to undergo STD testing beforehand.
2How can I prevent my partner from getting jealous during a threesome?
The simplest way to avoid jealousy is by prioritizing your partner during the deed. This means taking extra time to kiss, touch, and please them. We also recommend avoiding being “too romantic” with the third partner, as your main partner may take that the wrong way. For further understanding, talk to your partner about the things that may trigger jealousy on them before getting into a threesome.
3Is using phallic or vagina-like sex toys considered a threesome?
It’s not necessarily a threesome per se, but using toys is a good starting point. If you have fantasies about double penetration but aren’t ready to involve an extra person in the bedroom, you can opt for sex toys such as dildos.
4How can I let my partner know I’m interested in a threesome?
Just start with casually asking them about their thoughts on threesomes. You can also share this article to start the conversation.
5My partner doesn’t want to try a threesome; what should I do?
Unfortunately, you can’t do anything about it if they’re 100% not into it. You’ve got to accept it, as people have unique preferences when it comes to sexual matters. Try out unconventional sex-tivities, such as temperature play, restraint play, roleplaying, and the like.
Takeaway
Threesome sex can be a hit or miss for couples. Sure, it sounds good in theory; more partners means more fun, right? But without enough preparation and planning, a night of sultry threeway can turn into a night of unsatisfying sex. That said, make sure to plan everything before engaging in a threeway.
We would also like to remind you that not everyone is ready or interested in threesome sex. Don’t pressure yourself or your partner into agreeing to this sexual activity. There are tons of unconventional sex-tivities out there, such as soft BDSM plays, roleplaying, public sex, phone sex, and the like. Wanna know which ones would work for you and your partner? You can check out our couple worksheet for a guide. Good luck!
