Here’s Why You Should Think Twice About Breakup Sex

Breakup sex isn’t typically on most people’s minds after ending a relationship, but for some, it can seem surprisingly appealing. If you find yourself in this camp, you might view it as a last hurrah or even a way to cope with all the stress of the breakup. It’s tempting, right?

The thing is, breakup sex can lead to a lot of complications. Many people have shared their experiences on various online forums, and the stories are pretty mixed. Some feel used after the encounter because they’ve done it out of desperation to get back to their ex, while others feel even sadder about the breakup because they realize this will be the last time they’ll get intimate with that person. On the other hand, some had a surprisingly positive experience—they enjoyed it because the pressure and tension that once existed between them were gone.

In this guide, we’ll explore the reasons why some people opt for breakup sex, the potential downsides, and healthier alternatives to cope with the breakup.

Why Some Couples Do It

Not every breakup sex leads to regret or complicated shenanigans—this often applies to couples who have experienced a more amicable split or those with a casual arrangement. Below are reasons why a couple might engage in this act.

1It gives them closure.

Many people assume that a breakup is a big, one-time event. You say, “Let’s break up…” or “I don’t want to do this anymore.” After hours of crying and discussing the relationship, that’s it.

The truth is, a breakup is a process. As licensed psychotherapist and cognitive behavior specialist Dr. John D. Moore mentioned in his interview with Elite Daily, “Most people think relational collapses are an immediate event when in fact, they aren’t… Instead, breaking up is part of an ongoing process.”

Now, the breakup process varies depending on the couple. Some block each other online and move on, while others might prefer a post-breakup coffee date to tackle unanswered questions.

Then there are those who see sex as a way to wrap things up—one last hurrah before packing their bags and moving on. It can also serve as a way to celebrate the good parts of the relationship, especially if sex is a highlight for them.

On the other end of the spectrum, breakup sex can actually help bring closure to someone wondering if their partner still loves them or if any real connection remains. Sex can allow them to sense where their partner’s heart truly lies. Sometimes, even if the sex is intense, one partner can feel that the other’s feelings have faded.

Take, for instance, Juliette Grey’s story. Though the sex with her ex was amazing, she realized he had changed. Despite their passion, she felt that the connection was ultimately gone. Breakup sex helped bring that clarity.

2It can be incredibly wild and intoxicating.

Breakup sex can be hot and passionate, fueled by that intense longing or the sense that this might be the last time you’ll ever see each other—so you both go all out. With the relationship already over, there’s nothing to hold back, so you might as well make the most of that last wild, no-strings-attached moment.

3It helps them cope with the negative emotions from the breakup.

After a breakup, there’s often a lot of stress and heightened emotions, leaving a person vulnerable. It’s common to engage in unhealthy coping mechanisms—or to fall back into having sex with an ex.

Not only does it provide a last connection with their partner, but it also brings the benefits of sex, like stress relief and a boost of feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine.

4One of them wants to salvage the relationship.

Another reason some exes end up in the bedroom again is that one person is trying to rekindle the relationship, hoping that a night of passion can spark feelings and lead the other person to want to remain committed.

If this is the reason you’re interested in engaging in breakup sex, it’s best to reconsider and avoid this act altogether. You could be setting yourself up for disappointment, as your partner might only be interested in the physical connection and not in rekindling the relationship. This can lead to more heartbreak on your end when the reality doesn’t align with your hopes.

Why It’s Better to Skip It

Now that we’ve explored the potential benefits, let’s explore the reasons why breakup sex is not a great idea.

1It interferes with your healing.

Having sex with an ex is like peeling off the bandage on a wound that hasn’t fully healed. Not only will it start bleeding again, but the pain might linger far longer than it would have otherwise.

You’ll start to relive old memories, and with oxytocin—the “love hormone”—being released after the deed, you might even find yourself missing your ex or regretting the breakup, even if the relationship was incredibly toxic. And if your ex doesn’t feel the same way and is just after one night of wild sex, your heart might end up breaking all over again, leaving you right back at square one.

2Your last memory of being intimate with them is ruined.

Though breakup sex is often described as an intense, passionate experience, some couples actually end up feeling awkward or even depressed during the act due to loss of attraction and lingering pain from the breakup.

So, instead of remembering your last intimate moment with your ex as a sweet or at least decent experience, you’re now left with memories of a sad encounter, casting a shadow over your final moments together.

3There’s risk of pregnancy.

Here’s the thing: having sex after a breakup doesn’t make you immune to pregnancy. If your birth control didn’t work effectively this time, you could unexpectedly find yourself having a baby with your ex.

While co-parenting might seem like a viable option, this situation can introduce a host of complications—not only for your life but also for your child. Navigating shared responsibilities, emotional ties, and co-parenting dynamics can be challenging. It can add unnecessary stress when you’re already trying to move on.

4If you initiated the breakup, you could unintentionally give false hope.

If you’re the person who dumped your partner and now wants to engage in breakup sex, let’s step into your partner’s shoes for a moment.

Imagine they’ve been heartbroken over the breakup, and suddenly, you’re initiating intimacy again. Even if you insist it’s no strings attached, a part of them may still believe there are lingering feelings on your side. They might cling to the hope that after having sex, you’ll realize you still love them, and you don’t want to break up with them anymore.

And then, when you tell them that the relationship is still over, they feel even more hurt. They’ve opened themselves up, giving a part of themselves in the hope that the connection could be rekindled, only to be left feeling abandoned once again.

So for the sake of your partner’s well-being and your own peace of mind, avoid having sex with them.

Healthier Alternatives to Breakup Sex

So, you’ve decided that you don’t want to have sex with your ex anymore. Good for you for standing your ground and choosing yourself! However, you might still feel an inexplicable itch to be intimate with them. Perhaps you miss how they touched your body or the pleasure of sleeping together.

If you’re looking for ways to release that pent-up energy without going back to your ex, consider the following options:

1Self-pleasure is the key.

Sometimes, all you need to do is rub one out. Not only will you get to experience that sweet, orgasmic release, but you might also gain some post-nut clarity. In that moment, you may realize that your desire to reconnect with your ex stems more from being horny than from any lingering feelings.

2Try sex toys!

But let’s say you do miss the physical intimacy you had with your ex. You can mimic that experience through sex toys.

While being with that person is undeniably different and more intimate than using silicone toys, these alternatives can certainly provide similar sensations to vaginal and anal sex. Some great options to try out include dildos, masturbators, fleshlights, and G-spot vibrators. There’s also a whole lot of sex toys in our shop that you can explore.

3Consider having a social media detox.

You might find yourself stalking your ex online, curious about what they’re up to and who they’re hanging out with. However, constantly checking their social media can keep them at the forefront of your mind, leading to a resurgence of longing for their touch and those intense feelings.

To break this cycle, you can cut contact completely and stop checking their online presence— out of sight, out of mind. Not only you’re not gonna remember them as much, but you’ll get plenty of time to do the things you love.

4Boost your feel-good hormones through other avenues.

Sex does release feel-good hormones like dopamine and oxytocin, but there are plenty of other ways to get those happy hormones flowing!

Engaging in exercise, playing with pets, taking a refreshing walk, or immersing yourself in hobbies and creative pursuits can all boost your mood. There’s a whole world out there filled with activities that can bring you joy and help alleviate the pain from the breakup.

Takeaway

Breakup sex is generally viewed negatively, but in some cases, it can actually help people move on by reaffirming the disconnection they feel. For others, it might be a fun, casual way to bring closure to the relationship. It can bring a sense of finality, allowing individuals to acknowledge their feelings and take the next steps. However, it has several drawbacks, such as potentially misleading an ex and hindering your ability to move on.

Even though we generally don’t recommend having breakup sex, the choice is ultimately yours. If you do plan on doing it, make sure to follow safe sex practices, such as using condoms alongside another birth control option.