Always Stressed During Sex? You Might Have Orgasm Anxiety

Let’s be real: we all want to climax during sex. That euphoric release and blissful afterglow? Totally natural to crave! But for some, the focus on achieving orgasm can get so intense that it turns into orgasm anxiety—let’s explore this condition and learn the steps on how to overcome it.

What is Orgasm Anxiety and What Are Its Signs?

Orgasm anxiety refers to the stress or pressure you might feel about reaching climax, whether you’re enjoying solo sessions or having partnered sex.

It can take on different forms—you might feel anxious about not being able to orgasm, or, on the flip side, you might feel nervous about the expectation to orgasm. Both of these anxieties fall under the same umbrella, affecting your ability to relax and truly enjoy the experience.

Here are some signs you might be dealing with it:

• You can’t fully relax or let go during sex.
• Orgasm is constantly on your mind, and you’re often wondering if it’s going to happen.
• You struggle to orgasm, with your mind “blocking” right as you’re on the edge.
• The thought of sex feels daunting as you worry about the climax.
• Your heart rate spikes during sex, but it’s more from anxiety than excitement.

If you’ve noticed these symptoms, it might be frustrating to realize that something is holding you back from experiencing the pleasure you deserve. But don’t worry—acknowledging that you’re experiencing orgasm anxiety is actually a big win! You’re already taking the first step toward overcoming it, and now you can focus on addressing this challenge to make your sexcapades enjoyable again.

Potential Causes

Orgasm anxiety has several causes, including the following:

• Body image issues or low self-esteem
• Problems in the relationship
• The belief that orgasms are a must-have during sex and feeling inadequate for not having one
• Pressure to perform, especially for men who may worry about ejaculating too quickly
• Past sexual trauma
• Unhealthy beliefs or misconceptions about sex
• Lack of knowledge about sex and pleasure
• Having generalized anxiety disorder or other related mental health conditions

The list above highlights some common causes of orgasm anxiety, but it’s important to remember that everyone’s experience is unique. Each person may have their own specific experiences, beliefs, or past encounters that could contribute to feelings of anxiety around orgasm.

We recommend taking some time to reflect on what could’ve caused those anxious feelings. Understanding your personal triggers can help you work through them.

How to Manage It

As mentioned earlier, everyone has their own reasons for feeling anxious during sex, so when it comes to treatment and healing,  each individual has their own approach, too. But if you’re looking for a little guidance or something to get you started, here are a few things you can try to help work through your orgasm anxiety.

1Shift your mindset regarding orgasms.

Yes, orgasms are a big part of sex, but they shouldn’t be the only reason you’re having sex. A ‘goal-oriented’ mindset in the bedroom can do more harm than good. Instead of being fully present with yourself or connected with your partner, you end up going through the motions, constantly calculating what you need to do to get that big O or be seen as a good performer— it takes the fun and connection out of the experience.

Try adopting a more pleasure-based approach. Focus on what feels good in the moment rather than aiming for a specific outcome, such as orgasm. In partnered sex, remember to connect with your partner, appreciating the shared experience— use these moments to deepen the emotional bond.

2Take time to explore your body.

For those who are anxious about reaching orgasm because they feel like they’re gonna pee or they’re making a weird face or anything that makes you extra conscious during partnered sex, consider spending more time having sex with yourself. Get all handsy, or use some trusty sex toys to even take your pleasure to greater heights!

Not only will you not be as conscious when the big O is about to approach, but you’ll also be able to help your partner figure out what makes you tick since you know the stimulation techniques that work best in your body.

3Consult a mental health professional.

Sometimes, managing orgasm anxiety requires a little extra help, especially if there are deeper issues at play, like your upbringing or past trauma.

If you have the capacity to do so, we recommend talking to a sex therapist or a trusted mental health professional. They can guide you through the process, offer insights, and provide strategies to help you overcome emotional barriers.

Takeaway

Orgasms are amazing, but if focusing too much on them is starting to take away from your enjoyment, it might be time to take a step back. Shifting away from an orgasm-centered mindset can open up more satisfying experiences.

You could try exploring this shift through self-pleasure, using it as a tool to deepen your awareness of your body. Talking with a sex therapist is another great option—they can help you uncover any root causes behind these thoughts and support you in creating a pleasure-focused approach to sex.