Ways to Have Submissive Sex if You’re a Beginner in BDSM

Does the thought of relinquishing control over to someone excite you? Do you like the idea of being handcuffed to your bedpost and receiving a spanking for being a naughty girl? Do you want to call someone “Master” or “Sir” and serve him in any way you can? There’s no need to feel embarrassed if you answered yes to all of that. Honey, you’re not weird. This may come as a surprise but submissive sex is actually one of the most common fantasies.

Now if you’re thinking of turning those fantasies into reality but is overwhelmed by how much stuff is out there that says what you can and can’t do, don’t panic. A noob like you may easily lose your way in this rabbit hole. But lucky for you, you have us as your guide. We’ve gathered what we can to get you started. By the end of this article, we’re going to make a nice obedient slave out of you. Someone who’s having the best submissive sex in the bedroom!

Research it up like you’re doing your college thesis

For someone who’s only starting out with the submissive lifestyle, you’re going to need to do a lot of research and exploration with this new kinky journey of yours. BDSM activities are close to risky, so there’s a strong need for proper education on the matter. Read books about it.  Join BDSM forums. Inquire about the lifestyle from BDSM couples themselves. Don’t make your choice to become a submissive based on a whim. It has to come from a sane and educated decision.

Mull it over for at least 10 times

When you’re done educating yourself in the matter, take the time to think it over. And I mean really think it over. At least 10 times is acceptable. Don’t make a hasty decision just because your interest got piqued after watching a Fifty Shades of Grey movie marathon. Having submissive sex means giving up the reigns to someone. And whoever that person you choose has to be someone you can trust to always put your wellbeing into consideration.

Get to know yourself

Usually, the desire to become a submissive comes naturally to a person. It’s something that’s innate and has always been there with you. Just waiting for the right time when you can finally let it loose. But it can also be something that’s slowly been building up inside of you. Maybe it’s because you’ve been reading too much BDSM erotica novels or a friend who’s living the BDSM lifestyle got you curious. Whatever the case is, you need to know for sure that you really have the strong desire to serve someone and that’s something that you’re going to take pleasure from.

Once you do find that spark in you, your next step is to determine how much you are willing to give up. What rules are you okay with? What boundaries are never to be crossed? Are you fine with humiliation play? Impact play? Electric play? Choking? Spanking? Really look internally and figure out up to what point are you comfortable with.

And another thing to think about. You also need to ask yourself why you want to have submissive sex. Is it because you truly like the idea of being bossed around by someone you can look up to or is it because your boyfriend has been bugging you about trying out the BDSM lifestyle? Because if the latter part is the case, you better not do it. You can’t force yourself to become a submissive just because your partner has been pressuring you.

Find the right partner

You need to practice extra precaution when choosing your Dom. There’re way too many predators out there who are posing as Dominants but are actually just out to abuse you. Don’t let yourself be one of their victims. Find someone you really trust. Someone who knows how to guide you and take responsibility for you. As we’ve said, BDSM is close to risky which is something that makes it appealing. But know that in a healthy BDSM relationship, the point of pain is to receive pleasure. Things can go from bad to worse if you’re in the hands of the wrong Dom.

Address your Dom by his honorific

Show your Dom the respect he deserves. Calling your Dom “Sir” or “Master” doesn’t only establish the power dynamics between the two of you, it also helps you set the mood for your BDSM play scenes. Your Master gets off knowing that you’re under his mercy, and the best way to remind him of that is by addressing him properly and using the honorifics he chose for himself.

Dress the part

To really get you in the mood for submissive sex, wear the right outfit for your BDSM play times. Turn each other’s fantasies into reality. Ask your Master what he wants you to wear, whether it’s a Sailor Moon costume, a nurse costume, or a Tree costume. Put on makeup or net fishnet stockings to complete the look. Your visuals go a long way when it comes to BDSM activities. It also helps you become one with your character and subconsciously pumps you up for your submissive role.

Look at your Dom adoringly

When you and your Dom are in your place of safety and trust, look at your Dom with the eyes of someone who can’t live without him. You don’t always have to say something to prove your point. Let your eyes do the talking. Take him all in and show your admiration for him with your eyes. He wants to see you admire him and look up to him. He gets pleasure from the fact that you’re someone who worships him and will do anything he asks.

Let him hear your sounds of pleasure and pain

If your Dom is spanking you from behind with a whip, express your pain and pleasure with a moan or a yelp. Let him hear you make sexy sounds when you’re getting it hard. Unless, of course, he explicitly said you’re not allowed to make any noise and proceeds to shut you up with a mouth gag.

Bring out the BDSM gears

Use the blindfolds, mouth gag, rope, and handcuffs. Better yet, let your Dom use those toys on you. Let him tie you up to the bedpost, or shut you up with a mouth gag, or hinder your sight with blindfolds. There’s so much fun you can have with sex toys. Your Dom can use the paddle or the whip to teach you discipline. Let him see you struggle from getting out of the restraints.

Learn to separate fantasy from reality

It’s easy to get lost of your sense of reality when you’re recreating your fantasies in real life. Sometimes, you end up getting too carried away which is dangerous for BDSM relationships. You can end up forgetting the boundaries the two of you set. And again, that can mean exposing yourself to real danger. Keep in mind that what you’re both engaging in is just play-pretend. It’s the two of you acting out a role and being very kinky about it.

Be a patient submissive

We know you’re eager to please your Dom, but you’re only a beginner so there are still things that you still have to learn. It may take lots of trial and errors before you become the perfect submissive for your partner. But if you’re willing to learn, it’s going to be a rewarding experience for you.

The takeaway

If you’re sure of your decision to have submissive sex, the best advice we can give you is that you have fun with it as you go along with your “training”. You have your Dom with you to lead the way. If you followed our tip about choosing the right Dom for you, then you’re in good hands. The beauty of being a submissive is that you’re in it for the ride. You’re going along with what your Dom wants. You don’t have to keep thinking about what you’re supposed to do next because that’s the job of your Dom. Yours is to follow his command. And follow it well you must.