Ah, purity culture. Perhaps for Gen Z, they’d remember the Jonas Brothers with their purity rings as their commitment to stay pure.
But long story short, that wouldn’t last very long.
Regardless, it was one of those moments that made purity culture more known, at least to the younger general public. But it actually runs deeper than just rings, and we may have experienced its different applications more than once. Most of the time, it brings negativity into our lives.
In this guide, we’ll delve into the ropes of purity culture and how its negativity impacts one’s mental and sexual health. From there, we also shared some tips that may aid you in healing from your troubles and traumas with it.
Let’s Define Purity
This blog from Axis states that purity “refers to a state of moral cleanliness and integrity” regarding faith and personal values.
With Christianity, it’s linked to chastity and living in line with the Bible, encouraging one not to pursue sex before marriage. Under this faith, purity goes beyond just sex, extending to how one exudes oneself without getting negatively influenced or indulging in temptations. Often, religious parents teach such standards at a young age to ensure that their child grows up on the right foot. We’ll get to the standards later on.
So What is Purity Culture?
Choosing Therapy defines Purity Culture as “a set of evangelical Christian beliefs that emphasizes strict gender roles, abstinence, and modesty.”
Furthermore, such culture is a way to test someone based on their sexual purity. The more invested they are, the more worth they hold.
The modern idea of this culture grew more recognized during the 1990s. This blog entry from Kindman and Co. adds that Richard Ross’s campaign “True Love Waits” encourages thousands of youth to sign public pledges to adhere to sexual abstinence.
However, the reinforcement of this culture is rooted in fear and an imbalance of power over time. In other words, it’s like boys rule over girls with its rules and standards. But we’ll get into that later on.
Other than that, purity culture can be showcased through rings, campaigns, and even balls. For the latter, there were father-daughter balls, wherein those young girls wore white and signed a purity pledge. As for their father, they vow to protect their daughter’s purity until marriage. Such a ball encouraged a closer bond that hinders young girls from dating around and, well, getting tempted.
Standards of Purity Culture
Let’s unravel some highlighted aspects of this culture down below.
1 Abstinence is the way.
There should be no pre-marital sex as the act is sacred and must be preserved on your wedding night. Even masturbation, kissing, or even having any platonic physical contact like hugging counts as cheating or breaking your promise.
2 Virginity is of the highest importance.
Virginity is what makes you pure, like a blooming flower. If that gets tampered with in any way, then you’re useless. You can even be shamed for it.
3 Authoritative and Fear-Inducing Discipline Techniques
Such methods are used to call out any immodest thoughts or behaviors, like cursing. Hence, it’s common for those raised in this culture to be so afraid and overthink their every move.
4 Abstinence and Celibacy as the only sexual education methods
Having the complete sexual education package, from learning about the bodies, how we react, protection means, etc., is excluded when following purity culture. Since they advocate sex before marriage, you’ll only be taught to abstain and stay pure until the time is right. As a result, it deepens gender inequality, wherein women are impure while men can act that way with women.
5 Female bodies are presented as “evil and tempting.”
Purity culture is heavy on gender roles, resulting in lots of gender inequality. At a young age, young girls are taught that their bodies are bad, resulting in covering up any bare skin and dressing up as modestly as possible. This idea may arisen due to the tale of Adam and Eve, wherein Eve was the reason why they got banished from The Garden of Eden.
How It Impacts Women and Girls
The common con to purity culture for women and girls is that they get policed so often. Like anything they do, someone always has a say about it. For once, their choice of clothing. Wearing the “wrong thing”, which usually equates to clothing that reveals or accentuates their body, gives men the wrong idea. And by wrong idea, it tempts them to think sexual thoughts or act on any sexual urges that come up when they see those girls.
As a result, women and girls always have to think about what clothes they’re wearing. At the same time, they must follow certain dress codes in school or at work. Even if dress codes have been proven to do little to impact the male gaze these days, they’re still established as a way to show decency and modesty.
There’s also a prevalence of slut-shaming, from boys and even fellow girls. Whether it be those who uphold purity culture to its core, the latter is a common instance. It’s done because the other person believes someone (a girl) isn’t acting morally or cleanly through their actions and words. It’s almost like we can’t do everything right, and we must always consider the male gaze, which is just bull!
How It Impacts Men and Boys
The biggest impact of this culture on men and boys is how they can get away with bad acts. Purity culture tends to focus more on how women are a distraction to men. As a result, men get the upper hand because they don’t get policed as much as women. Nobody talks to them about their clothes or how they exude themselves in public, right?
Moreover, some terrible acts they can do and get away with are “harmless” teasing, harassment, abuse, and even murder. In this day and age, when women try to fend for themselves, men take and react to things negatively. Until today, people excuse them as “boys will be boys” or “she probably asked for it.”
Furthermore, growing up in this culture encourages the development of toxic and problematic behaviors. Toxic masculinity is another behavior that can stem from purity culture as it teaches them to “man up” as men are seen as the dominant ones. They shouldn’t be vulnerable or show weakness. They also stray away and get offensive when someone tries to pin femininity on them.
Reasons Why Purity Culture is Harmful
Learn how mentally toxic purity culture can be to someone through this informative section.
1 It makes you feel like a stranger in your own body.
This reason especially resonates with women, who were taught that their bodies are bad and indecent. As a result, they get used to dressing up in clothes that are deemed correct rather than exploring what looks and feels good to them. Developing their own sense of style can be difficult due to the restrictions on them.
They also blame themselves when they start developing their own sexual curiosity and thoughts, which lead up to interests and fantasies. Even the temptation to touch themselves is something they don’t take lightly, finding ways to feel safe again.
Being sexual is one of the best ways to learn more about yourself. Having such a culture that is aggressive in stopping you halts your own self-discovery.
2 It hinders sexual exploration.
Purity culture heavily discourages pre-marital sex and pursuing any relationship that doesn’t result in marriage. Moreover, casual dating is a no-no. It also only focuses on the bond between a man and woman, wherein any bond that isn’t heterosexual is counted as a sin. So, in other words, being a part of the LGBTQ brings shame.
3 It causes religious trauma.
If you’re someone who grew up in a religious household (e.g., Roman Catholic), you’d know that purity culture can really mess up your personal views on religion and faith. Especially if you’re surrounded by those who are strict and forceful towards their religious views, it makes you feel pressured to follow in their footsteps. But a lot of the time, as you grow up, it makes you feel discouraged and disconnected from practicing your religion.
Another way religious trauma occurs in someone (a woman) is growing up hating themselves so much and that men aren’t trustworthy. As for the latter, they think that they’re animalistic and uncontrollable when it comes to their sexual urges, even without doing anything.
4 It doesn’t encourage proper sexual education.
Purity culture pushes the idea that abstinence and sexlessness are the best ways to go on with your life. But time and time again, it doesn’t change much. Just more gender stereotypes and increasing the gender division too.
There is so much that’ll be missed by not having the right sex ed in school or at home. You wouldn’t learn about the reproductive system, birth control (especially condoms), sexually transmitted diseases, and more. And when you get to that age of curiosity (because well, it’s part of our nature), it’s a guessing game while trying to keep your intentions secret. Lack of proper sex education can put you more at risk for illnesses and even unexpected pregnancies.
5 It increases your self-shame.
For women, they have different bodies. Yet all of them are shamed no matter what they do under purity culture, resulting in getting dressed up in what they believe is modest and right. And well, what is right for the male gaze. Such shame adds to feeling more self-conscious about what they wear, hoping nobody gives them a second look. Even what you think is modest may not be the case for others. For example, your mother insists you wear a jacket over your dress even if the weather is hot.
Aside from this, someone (man or woman) can feel sinful if they start thinking about sex and everything under its umbrella. After being taught that it’s not right, even such thoughts are a part of being human, they’re more consumed by the shame as instilled by purity culture.
6 It further pushes unequal standards towards men and women.
Purity culture is sexist, enforcing more rules on girls than boys. Hence, it encourages the idea that men can get away with it while women always take the fall. Moreover, women and girls experience the toxicity of the culture the most. It’s become a universal phenomenon for women to experience and shame and guilt at least once.
Aside from this, purity culture insists women to stay chaste until their wedding night and teaches them modesty. As for men, they let their sexual thoughts and urges pass.
7 It heightens your self-hatred.
When the natural flow of having sexual thoughts occurs to you, you may believe that something’s wrong with you. That it goes against everything you learned from purity culture as you grew up under that upbringing. Hence, when you try to resist it, it comes back stronger. Because you can’t control them, it makes you feel weak and mad at yourself. As a result, you begin to develop self-hatred because such thoughts are “right” and you’re immoral for being in such a way.
8 It distances you from certain relationships.
And by certain relationships, it can be the ones you have with your parents. Assuming that they were the ones who raised you and emphasized the importance of religion, purity culture may be an important aspect of their ways of parenting you.
How to Heal From Purity Culture Trauma
Conquer your pain from this culture through these tips down below.
1 Slowly face it head-on.
Yes, you found yourself as a victim of a toxic culture. It’s scary to accept, but the fact that you’re aware and ready to take action takes a lot of courage.
2 Be more acquainted with your body.
After a long time of being taught to be ashamed of it, getting to know it better is a good first step. Figure out what your best assets are, what brings you confidence, and perhaps what can easily trigger sexual arousal.
3 Learn to be a great communicator.
Communication can bring you closer to many people and help you understand more about where they are coming from. It’s even more important in relationships as you talk about your boundaries, non-negotiables, and whatever else is running in your mind. Not only doesn’t improve intimacy, but you get to know each other a lot better and ensure you stay on the same page.
4 Fend for yourself!
Also in line with being a good communicator! Don’t let anyone’s firm beliefs affect the way you view yourself. Feel free to get verbal if necessary and call them out if they’re too harsh on you. You don’t deserve to be mistreated just because you have different beliefs.
5 Give yourself grace.
Unlearning concepts and ideas, especially under purity culture, that you grew up with takes time. So don’t be too hard on yourself.
6 Seek professional help.
Seeing a therapist may be better when you want more personalized advice. You may also feel more comfortable sharing your story with them as they provide healthy solutions. Plus, they’d make you feel seen and valid.
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Takeaway
Purity culture may try to protect women and men from bad decisions, but its mental aspect says otherwise. Not only has it brought trauma and shame, but it also created a disconnection between someone and their faith. Hence, it’s common to break away from purity culture as a way to break the generational cycle of religious trauma. Furthermore, it stops dividing men and women and urges them to respect each other equally. Especially for the former.
For more culture-related guides like this, head on over to the Lauvblog here.
