Dear Dr. Sex,
I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We’ve been through a lot, and I really love this guy. But as much as I want to, he doesn’t like me to use sex toys. I’ve long wanted a vibrator for myself, but my boyfriend finds it offensive. Got any tips on how I can convince him to add toys in our sex life? 🙁
Yours,
Leah
Dear Leah,
First of all, I’d just like to say that your body is your property. As much as you have a boyfriend whom you love with all your heart, and have committed yourself to be with, your body is yours alone. I understand that it can be hard convincing your partner to use sex toys because he feels upset and insulted about it. However, you did not lease away your body when you agreed to be in a relationship. You have a boyfriend, but you are still your own person. What you want to do with your body, or what you think will please you, you should be able to do freely because nobody else in this world owns you but you. And your boyfriend should understand and respect that.
But I also know it can take a while before guys can acknowledge this fact so a bit of education won’t hurt.
So let’s start with why does he feel that way about sex toys? You can start with that. Ask him why he feels “offended” by the idea of you using a vibrator. Then from his answer, you can work on that and explain why a sex toy can’t possibly harm your relationship or him, personally.
He may be thinking that he’s not good in bed; that’s why you’re asking for a vibrator. Or that you might replace him with a sex toy. All these fears are valid and understandable. So what you have to do is continuously reassure him that that’s not true or going to happen. Try explaining to him the benefits of using a sex toy. Explain how it’s good for both the mind and the body. Add that using sex toys can also benefit him. After all, sex toys aren’t for women only. Read “8 Reasons Why You Must Start Using Sex Toys Now” for more explanations.
You can also try out stuff that both of you can use. Penis rings, couple massagers, heck, there are a variety of things you can check out. Think of it as an experience. Don’t think of it as simply ordering stuff from a site. Sit together, explore things you want to try together, shop together (make out in between if you wish to), let the experience of buying those products be similar to the usage of sex toys – fun.
For more tips on this concern, you can also check out, “How do you convince your boyfriend to use sex toys with you?” I hope this helps.
Yours,
Dr. Sex
