I’m Struggling to Orgasm During Sex. What Should I do?

Dear Dr. Sex,

Hello! So glad that there’s a section on this blog where you can ask questions. I’m having some issues with orgasming. Well, I can cum– it’s just that it takes a loooong time. I’m just struggling to orgasm even if I’m in the mood.

I’m also having a hard time cumming during sex. I just don’t orgasm at all, unlike my man. The only time that I can orgasm is when we’re dry humping. Then there’s this one time that I orgasmed during sex– we’re sitting on the sofa and I’m on top of him.

Now, I do try to masturbate by humping my pillow, but it still does take some time. I even purchased a dildo just to reach that big O but it wasn’t enough. What should I do? What type of sex toy should I get? Am I going to be struggling to orgasm for the rest of my life? Please help.

Yours,
Dianne

Dear Dianne,

Thank you for sharing your case. Before we dive into the tips, keep in mind that people have different orgasm timings. It doesn’t matter how it takes you to orgasm– this may just be your body’s typical response pattern. Either way, you’re orgasming so you’re doing pretty well for yourself.

Instead of focusing on how long it takes, you should focus more on finding the right technique that will work for you. Because based on the given info, you’re struggling to orgasm because vaginal stimulation isn’t your thing. With that, here are the things you should consider to reach the O in an easier (and hopefully quicker) way.

No pressure, just enjoy the pleasure. If you keep thinking about orgasm during sex, there’s a big chance that you wouldn’t reach it. Why? Because your mind is distracted. Instead of enjoying the sensations, you’re busy feeling pressured on reaching climax. That’s why it’s best to reframe your mind and think that sex and masturbation aren’t just about orgasms. It’s also about enjoying pleasure, nurturing your body, and being connected with your partner. Sex is a marathon, not a sprint.

Learn to play with your clitoris. You said that you only like dry-humping and only experience orgasm when doing that kind of play. This means that your body responds well to clitoral stimulation. With that, we suggest learning to play with your clit.

If you’re unsure of what a clitoris is, it’s that tiny nub of flesh on the upper part of your vagina. If you want an illustrated guide, check this article. Now, this tiny nub has thousands of nerve endings on it. Just a few direct taps on this area can send shivers down your spine. It also extends inside your body and you can stimulate the internal part of the clitoris through your G-Spot.

Once you’ve located your clit, start with gentle taps and rubs on the area. You’ll also enjoy the stimulation if the area’s wet so we suggest using your natural lubrication or a water-based lube when rubbing your clitoris. You can also ask your man to do it, and while he rubs your clit, you can also ask him to play with your nipples on the other hand and have a makeout session while doing so. With all these erogenous zones being stimulated at the same time, there’s a bigger chance that you’ll reach the big O in no time.

Invest in Clitoral Vibrators. Since clitoral stimulation is your thing, using a dildo will certainly not make you cum, since this sex toy is designed for vaginal and G-Spot stimulation. That’s why if you’re planning to buy a new love toy, we suggest going for clitoral vibrators. These vibes are designed to pleasure the clitoris. You can also try mini and finger vibrators. These types of vibes are good for pinpointed stimulation– this means you can focus all the vibrations on your clit. Here are some variants that you can try.

Communicate with your partner and have minor changes in your sex sesh. We highly suggest telling your partner about this dilemma. You need a lot of reassurance when talking to him though as your man might get the wrong idea and think that it’s his fault. Explain to him that you’re struggling to orgasm because your body responds on other types of stimulation. You can request for longer oral sex (eating out/cunnilingus) as well as dry humping. You can also invest in couple vibrators and vibrating cock rings. These love devices stimulate your clitoris during penetration.

And there you have it, some tips on how to reach orgasm more easily. Just follow those tips above and positive changes will follow soon after. Safe sex always. Good luck, Dianne!

Yours,
Dr. Sex