Dear Dr. Sex,
I’m single, a virgin, and new to masturbation.
I have been trying some new sex toys to experience orgasm for myself. I started with bullet vibrators. This is because I read that these types of sex toys are great for beginners.
My problem is that I’m having a hard time reaching climax as I masturbate. I’m worried that I may not be able to experience orgasm at this point, and maybe I should give up. Maybe I haven’t applied enough lube? Please let me know how I can fix this issue.
Yours,
Jane
Dear Jane,
Sex toys are great for any person, regardless if they’re a virgin or not. So I’m glad that you’ve reached out here about your struggle. As you mentioned, you are a beginner to self-pleasure. So I can understand the concern. But I assure you that there is nothing to worry about.
As you may or may not already know, masturbation is a natural activity. Masturbation is a natural and safe way to explore your body, feel pleasure, and release built-up sexual tension. Masturbation occurs among people of all backgrounds, genders, and races.
It is not uncommon for a woman to never have experienced or got an orgasm during any sexual activity. This doesn’t mean that you do not have to have a satisfying sex life. If you never experienced climax, that is completely fine. Because reaching orgasm through masturbation or sex is a skill developed in time.
But before we get to the nitty-gritty, here are the common types of masturbation and the way they commonly feel. You may want to try these techniques out for your future solo sessions:
Clitoral
This is the most common type of masturbation as the clit has 8,000 plus nerve endings made for stimulation. Most people use their fingers to play with their clit, but your bullet vibrator and other toys can also bring clitoral stimulation. This is because the vibrations can bring great clit stimulation. When you orgasm in this method, you’ll feel a tingly sensation along your skin.
Vaginal
For vaginal masturbation, you can use a sex toy or your fingers to penetrate your vagina during solo play. Consequently, you will feel the “Big O” deep in your body. As a result, your vaginal walls will throb.
Anal
When doing this masturbation type, you could use your fingers or a sex toy for anal play. As a result, you may feel the need to pee because of the contractions around your anal muscles.
Erogenous zones
In stimulating your erogenous zones, you can pull, rub, squeeze or tug your nipples, inner thighs, ears or neck, and other parts of your body during solo play. Consequently known as erogenous zones. This is because they can cause pleasurable sensations in your body when played with.
Mixed
In turn, you can mix up the mentioned types of masturbation, like stimulating both your clit and vagina at the same time. Something to note though, you can do this mixed masturbation style if you’re well familiar with your sweet spots. This can result to an experience of explosive orgasms.
Now back to your question, as you’ve mentioned in your query, you have tried self-stimulation with a bullet vibrator so let’s work with that.
Start with setting a relaxing mood in the place you want to masturbate in. In doing this, make sure you are in a safe, calming private space as you set the location.
To further hype the mood, you could light a scented candle and play some soothing music to jazz up the space. With a nice environment, you can now be in a headspace to imagine a sensual fantasy you want to be in.
At this point, you could try watching some porn or listen to erotic audio to set your mind and body in the mood. And, when you’re ready, lie on your back and aim to be in a comfortable position. When you’re laying down, apply a generous amount of water-based lube on your clit. After that, turn on your clean bullet vibrator and slowly place it on your clit.
Remember to breathe and take your time. Relax. Masturbation is where you are exploring your body so let your hands roam where you want them to. Always remember that masturbation takes time, and if you do the mentioned tips, you’ll be reaching orgasm sooner than you’d think.
You can always take a break when you find yourself struggling again, maybe do some work, exercise, or errands. Note that you can always come back to self-pleasure later.
Remember that it’s important not to force reaching a climax especially when you know your body is not up for it.
I hope this answers your concern. And if you follow these tips, you will be getting mind-blowing orgasms in no time. And lastly, I wish you the best of luck on your self-pleasure journey!
Yours,
Dr. Sex
