Long Distance Relationship Problems (and How to Fix Them!)

No relationship is always going to be smooth sailing. But put distance into the equation, and you just got yourself a new variable to confront. Long-distance relationships don’t exactly have the best rep. You’re bound to meet long-distance relationship problems along the road. Ask anyone around what they think about it, and you will be answered with a scoff and a quick dismissal.

It’s not for the frail of hearts. It can be torture. Saying goodbye to your lover over and over again doesn’t get any easier. But just think about it this way—what doesn’t kill your relationship strengthens it.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship or about to get into one, confront the situation with a levelheaded composure instead of thinking that doomsday is coming for you and your partner. Prepare for it and make the necessary adjustments. Identify the challenges you’re going to have to face and troubleshoot them. As always, we’re here to help you out, so we compiled a list of common LDR problems and how you can fix them.

1There are “dead air” moments.

When a thousand miles are separating you from your partner, there can be times when you run out of things to talk about. After you’ve already exhausted your conversation by answering the basic questions about what you both did for the day, there’s that dead air hanging over your heads that seems to be getting colder as your conversation becomes drier. It can be a sticky hole to get into. You’re anxious to connect but can’t find a topic you haven’t already touched. When you reach that point, what do you do now?

How to fix it?

Having nothing to talk about is one of those long-distance relationship problems that’s easy to fall into. When you’re asking the same questions repeatedly, it’s normal to feel bored. That’s why you need to be creative and change the flow of your conversations.

If your partner tells you about their day, that’s good and all. But you can follow it up with questions that can help expand their answers and give new insights to the discussion. It also shows that you’re listening intently, which makes them feel valued, and in turn, it encourages them to share and talk more. Search up a couple of questions on the internet to get new ideas. Or why not pique your partner’s curiosity by offhandedly mentioning something and then purposely changing the topic. They’re more likely to be invested in the discussion if they’re curious.

Try to be more interactive during the conversation. Virtually high-five them, make funny faces at them, or stick your tongue out when you’re feeling playful. Simple gestures like these can bring back life to your otherwise dying video calls.

2Calls or texts get misinterpreted.

Technology may be great for bridging the gap between you and your partner. It lets you connect instantaneously, even with someone from another world. Still, without the nuances of body language and eye contact, words shared by text or even calls can sometimes be misinterpreted and contribute to your long-distance relationship problems.

Sarcasm and jokes, for example, don’t always translate well on the screen. You may have said something jokingly, but your partner has taken it as an insult. Miscommunications like these are even more likely to happen when a language barrier exists. A totally acceptable comment in your language may be considered rude in another. So how do you avoid unnecessary misunderstandings and ensure your message’s real meaning gets across?

How to fix it?

The solution to this is pretty simple. When you receive a message that’s vague to you—ask the other person to clarify. If you’re unsure if your partner just made a joke or an offensive comment before you get your feelings hurt, ask them what they mean calmly and collectedly.

To ease the tension, you can use pet names, so your partner doesn’t feel like they’re being attacked. As you communicate more and more, the better you get to know your partner. You become more familiar with their texting patterns, shifts in tone, and even their sarcasm and wit. Regarding language barriers, you can also use Google to search for a word or phrase you don’t understand. It may be frustrating when you don’t always get something immediately, but it sure beats starting a fight over a harmless comment.

3You feel frustrated when your partner doesn’t reply immediately.

While you may feel like you need to constantly communicate with your partner to keep the relationship strong, it’s easy to slide to the extremes and become clingy and obtrusive. You may be sending them a series of text messages, and when you don’t get a reply right away, you send them more, asking if there’s something you did wrong. Your neediness can be off-putting to your partner. It can make them feel smothered and robbed of their virtual space.

How to fix it?

If you message your partner, don’t expect them to reply immediately. It may be hard, but you need to exercise patience. You also have to consider that you both lead independent lives and have obligations not only to each other but also to work, family, and even friends. You can’t expect them to always be on standby for your text messages.

Feel that you’re being over the top? Get a hold of yourself and pace it. Give them a chance to reply before you bombard them with more text messages. You have to respect their virtual space too. It’s not always they want to go on calls and exchange texts.

4You yearn for their touch and physical presence.

You will be hit with an intense longing for your partner at one point in your long-distance relationship. Missing your loved one so terribly is one of the long-distance relationship problems you must deal with. You may lie awake at night, missing them tremendously.

No one said LDR would be easy, but these pangs of pain can be real torment. When you’re hit with unbearable misses for your partner, find creative ways to spend time with them instead of moping about.

How to fix it?

Thanks to technology, you can do many things with your partner, even miles apart. For example, you can have fun playing online games if that’s what you’re into. Have a good laugh as you compete to beat each other at the game. Or you can watch a horror/slasher movie together. Click on the play button simultaneously, go on a Skype call, and share your theories about the movie.

It may be cheesy, but activities like these, where the two of you are having a good time, no matter if it’s online, alleviates the pain of being away.

5Time (zone) is a b*tch.

The distance may be bearable, but there are LDR couples that have to deal with a difficult time zone gap. For instance, your free time is during the wee hours in your partner’s location. Setting up virtual dates, visits, and other relationship shenanigans can be difficult.

How to fix it?

The best way to deal with this is by setting up a calendar with all the virtual date schedules since you can’t do impromptu dates due to the time difference. Compromise is also key for this.

For example, if your partner is willing to stay up all night for a virtual date, return the favor by staying up on the next virtual date. If the other person is the only one adjusting their schedule to accommodate their partner, it could lead to resentment of that partner, which is a common cause for breakups.

6You feel like you’re being held back.

When you spend most of your time just catching up and talking to your partner, you can’t help but sometimes feel that you may be missing out on some opportunities. Your conversations with them take most of your time; you skip the chance to attend a friend’s party or have fun at a bar. You keep canceling on your friends that they begin to not ask you out anymore. You stay up late talking to your partner about going to work for or school late.

Before you know it, your social circle becomes smaller and smaller. A polarizing relationship tends to be unhealthy. Don’t let it reach a point where you resent your partner.

How to fix it?

The goal is to be better than you were yesterday. There’s always room for improvement. Be each other’s cheerleaders. Encourage each other to meet new people, even if it’s the opposite sex, find new interests, join new clubs, and work on your careers. If you focus on growing as individuals, then you gain something more to offer to the relationship.

7There’s no “sexy time” in the relationship.

Sex is vital in relationships. It’s an expression of your feelings for each other. Getting physical and intimate may be important, but when there’s the distance separating you from your partner, keeping the sexy going can be a challenge. But definitely not at all impossible.

How to fix it?

For long-distance relationship problems related to how to get the hanky-panky running, you will need creativity. There are ways to go about it if you can open your mind and explore your sexuality. Talking dirty through texts can be a major turn-on. Exchanging naughty messages keeps the fire in your relationship. Tell your partner about your new lingerie. Take a picture of you wearing it and click on the send button. You will be in your partner’s mind throughout the day, guaranteed.

There are also sex toys for long-distance couples that you can use to put your lonely nights to an end. Some come with remote controls you can easily install through a mobile app. Go on Skype video calls and have a romantic dinner date. Set the mood by dimming the lights and preparing and wearing your sexy red dress that’s too revealing for the public eyes but perfect for a private Skype date.

8You may get jealous of people who spend time with your partner.

Seeing another girl in your partner’s Facebook pics (even if she was just a coworker and that pic was actually a group photo) makes the green-eyed monster inside you livid with furry. It’s not always about a girl; sometimes, your jealousy is directed at anyone who spends time with your partner.

You’re thinking, “That should be me.” Jealousy is normal for every relationship; it can be cute if done minimally. But can quickly be toxic if not handled in the right way.

How to fix it?

The first thing that you have to do is to calm down. Take a close look at the situation. Ask yourself these questions to gauge whether your jealousy is actually baseless. Is there really a reason for you to be jealous? Or is it all in your head? Has your partner been behaving differently lately?

Long-distance relationship problems caused by jealousy can be tough. But instead of snooping around and stalking the girl you saw in the picture with your partner, why not confront him? Do it with cool composure. Let him know how you feel and ask what’s the real deal between them. Or if you’re not ready to talk about it with him, talk to your friends and get their input so you can look at it from a fresh perspective.

9Your friends or family may not be supportive in the relationship.

This issue may be uncommon, but it’s still one of the long-distance relationship problems that must be addressed. Some significant people in your life, particularly the ones from the older generation, may think that the relationship wouldn’t work, commenting that you should date someone near you or that long-distance relationships don’t work. Some friends may even try to “accidentally” set you up with someone else, saying your current relationship won’t work anyway…

How to fix it?

It sucks when our loved ones discourage us from the relationship. There may be different reasons why they’re acting like this. Some are just worried that you get too attached and hurt deeply in the relationships. Others are just plain envious of your relationship or unhappy with their current relationship.

The best thing you can do is ignore their concerns unless they say something manipulative or abusive happens in your relationship; sometimes, a person might not see how toxic their partner is due to rose-colored glasses.

10You’re worried about falling out of love.

The old saying “out of sight, out of mind” may not always hold true, but it does happen. You may have promised each other to always call and text before your partner moved somewhere far, but there’s never a guarantee that things will be the same. He may be so caught up in life that he’s forgotten about that promise. So what can you do to remind him about you?

How to fix it?

A little trinket they can always keep somewhere is a cute way to remind them of you. Your best bet is to get them a necklace or bracelet they can wear daily. Or you can send him random gifts from time to time just to catch him by surprise.

Takeaway

LDR may be hard, but don’t be quick to shoot it down. It’s not gonna be easy to keep the lines open when the physical reassurances of love are removed. There are days when you feel insecure and in doubt. But as long as both parties are committed to working through their long-distance relationship problems, there can be ways to get through it.