5 Effective Ways to Rekindle a Sexless Relationship

Simply put, a sexless relationship is when a couple isn’t engaging or having minimal engagement in sexual activities.

However, how one views a sexless relationship is subjective. Even with a standard definition, the couple themselves define what sexless or minimal sex is to them. If your usual frequency of having sex isn’t up to your liking, that’s a valid concern, and we’re here to help!

Keep reading this mini guide to learn more about this kind of relationship and how to remedy it (if the lack of sex is a problem for you). 

Causes of a Sexless Relationship

Healthline cites a few causes of such a relationship to be:

• Symptoms related to perimenopause or menopause
• Pregnancy
• Substance Abuse
• Communication struggles
• Chronic medical conditions
• Betrayal (affairs, finances, etc.)
• Cultural or religious differences
• Asexuality
• Old age/aging
• Acquired disability
• Trauma (physical, sexual, etc.)
• Periods of grief

Aside from these reasons, we added a few more down below that other sources may have left out:

• Busy schedule
• Parenthood
• Change in desires
• Having a long-distance relationship (if talking about physical distance)
• Fear or aversion to sex
• Having bad sexual experiences

Is A Sexless Relationship A Bad Thing?

That depends on you. For some, it is because sex is a time for them to bond and reconnect with one another. It’s a private, shared activity they both cherish when they have the time for it. So if that suddenly isn’t given priority, especially for a long time, it’ll feel odd for those in the relationship. It may even lead to ending the relationship or relationship problems if it’s not fixed.

But for others, it isn’t. An example is if you’re of old age, wherein your levels of libido are low. Especially if you’re a woman who’s going through perimenopause or menopause, where your estrogen and testosterone levels drop. And due to those symptoms, you may experience a lack of vaginal lubrication and vaginal dryness.

Another example is if you identify as asexual. Medical News Today defines it as someone who has “little or no sexual attraction, but they may engage in sexual activity.” In some cases, they choose not to. But don’t mistake this orientation as not having emotional needs because they still do. With that out of the way, asexual people can have relationships with one another that focus on non-sexual aspects.

How to Respark A Sexless Relationship

If you’re someone eager to bring back that sexual power into your relationship, this section has vital tips that can help you out.

1 Acknowledge it.

Face it head-on. It’s scary, but admitting that you’re having a sexless relationship is the first step to fixing the problem. From the moment you see the signs, whether it be forgetting the last time you had sex or not taking the initiative to be intimate with one another, don’t avoid them. It’ll just create dishonesty between you and your partner.

Awareness is key to propel you to get to the bottom of things.

2 Bring it up.

From acknowledging that your relationship is sexless, there’s a chance that your partner may just be feeling the same way. They probably had a challenging time to bring it up. So instead, be the bridge. If sex is a primary factor in your relationship, it’s through proper communication and understanding for one another that can solve it.

You both can start by recalling how the sexlessness started. Was it through a life-changing event like having a baby or a new job? Did any of you get sick? Has any of you experienced a period of high-level stress? Take into consideration of the list of causes we listed above for reference. That way, you can feel more at ease than worried.

Don’t talk about how much sex you aren’t having. It’ll cause more distress, making one defensive and then have back-and-forth arguments. Focus more on what you can fix.

Couples therapy may also help you address your concerns with one another. Receiving professional and personal advice and guidance can help you navigate this rough path more thoroughly.

3 Set proper intentions.

After sharing your worries and opening up with one another, it’s important to have the right intentions when solving them. 

Having the right intentions once you bring up your sexless relationship with your partner matters a lot. Don’t let the opinions of others or society dictate how you should approach the situation. Especially when the common mindset when it comes to lack of sex is to have more just to “catch up.” As if you’re keeping count like a competition! It shouldn’t be that way because it’s a degrading way to treat your relationship. 

One improved way to look at resparking a sexless relationship (out of many) is because you enjoy how it brings the two of you closer. You thrive on its pleasure and having all this special time with your beloved, away from the world even for a moment.

Quantity > Quality over any day!

4 Engage in activities that reignite your romance and intimacy.

The first step before having sex is setting the proper mood. By proper mood, it should feel romantic and intimate, easing the both of you to a state of arousal. After not having sex for a while, it’s also possible for this type of mood to go on a state of pause as well.

 Some activities include:

• Do a joint activity together (going for a run, doing groceries, etc.)
• Go on a date at your favorite restaurant
• Have a couple’s massage
• Go on a weekend vacation
• Explore non-sexual acts of intimacy
• Using couple sex toys while having sex!
• Answering this couple intimacy worksheet together

5 Consider scheduling sex.

Okay, this idea can sound odd and formal. But trust us, it’s actually a lot more fun than you think. The Psychology Group shares that scheduling sex is ideal for busy couples. It lessens your chances of avoiding it and helps you prepare beforehand. That way, you have time to free yourself from any anxiety, awkwardness, and worries. 

And when it’s time to have your scheduled private session together, you’re more relaxed and centered to make each other feel good.

Takeaway

Sexless relationships are subjective! Depending on the person, it can be a good or bad thing. If you’re on the latter side, it’s important to have an open and clear discussion with your partner to be on the same page and solve it. Having your needs met in a relationship is crucial to keep your dynamics equally healthy and happy. 

On the other hand, people can find joy in sexless relationships if sex is not a priority. Again, as long as each one’s needs are attended to and you’re honest with one another, you’ll both have and maintain a healthy relationship.