If you think arousal is only preparation for sex, then you have it all misinterpreted. Arousal can be present by soaking up your partner’s presence. That kind of exhilaration felt during those moments, even if short-lived, has a name: simmering.
In this short guide, we’ll talk more about this practice, how it can be expressed, and a few tips on effectively pulling it off.
What is Sexual Simmering?
According to mindbodygreen, they defined sexual simmering or simmering as “taking a quick moment to feel excited with your partner, even under conditions where sex is not going to be practical.”
Another way to interpret this practice is that it’s the buildup before the actual buildup of arousal, which we commonly refer to as foreplay. Well, if it’s you choose to have sex any time within that day. If not, the buzz and intoxication from your affections remain strong, further energizing your bond. It comes to show the erotic side of your relationship isn’t mainly fueled by sex.
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Sexual Simmering in Action
Sexual simmering can be best demonstrated between two teenagers in love or high school lovers. They take advantage of any breaks they can get during school hours. They may have their own private spot, like an abandoned part of the library, at the empty art room, or behind the basketball court benches.
In that space, they exchange affection as they appreciate each other’s company. Whether it be a peck, cuddle, smiling, or laughing at each other’s silliness, they take advantage of every second they have with one another. Then, when the bell rings, signaling the transition to the next class or dismissal, they gaze at each other one more time and maybe share a sweet kiss before parting ways in opposite directions.
So before you think that sexual arousal is only motivated by sex, don’t forget the power of being in each other’s company.
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Examples of Sexual Simmering
Onto the fun part! Here’s a packed list of exciting ways to apply sexual simmering into your relationship.
1 Hug each other a little longer.
Just a few seconds or an extra minute longer of embracing before you two are off to your individual plans can make a difference. Sneak in a sweet pat or nuzzle on their chest too for extra affection. Cuddling counts here too if you’re lying in bed or resting on the couch!
2 Openly talk about your hobbies and interests.
Opening up about the things that bring you joy connects you and your partner even more. Bonus points to embark on those interests together!
3 Stroke each other’s hair.
This example is extra soothing if you’re hugging or cuddling one another. While you’re talking or enjoying the silence, feeling their gentle fingers on your scalp is relaxing and sensual.
4 Exchange gentle kisses.
Before either of you leave for work or even when you’re together at home, an innocent kiss can bring you so much exhilaration. It’s a small yet tender reminder of the bond you two share.
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5 Eye contact!
They say the eyes are the windows to your soul. Maintaining eye contact with your partner can increase the tension and anticipation between you and them. It also shows how attentive you are to them, especially when you’re having a heartfelt conversation,
6 Flirt with one another.
With this practice, it’s best if the flirting is toned down. For example, compliment them on how they look or how hard they make you laugh when they joke around.
7 Give lingering, non-sexual touches.
We’ve listed a few of them already, but such touches allow you two to be more intimate as it builds up anticipation for what’s to come. Hold their hand, lean your head on their shoulder, and even put a reassuring hand on their thigh.
8 Help each other out.
Remove obstacles that may affect their day-to-day routine and mindset. One way to show this is by cooking them breakfast beforehand so they don’t have to worry about preparations.
9 Daydream about sex.
There’s nothing wrong with a little imagination and fantasy on your own to get you moving! Besides, it might give you inspiration when the time comes.
10 Express gratitude and appreciation for one another.
Even a simple “your smile makes my day” can go a long way in your relationship. So indulge in these loving gestures!
11 Have heartfelt to banter-filled conversations.
This duality makes the relationship more balanced. Being able to express affection and vulnerability in one talk and then have more playful conversations covers all the bases of being human.
12 Surprise each other every now and then.
It’s the unplanned things that can keep a relationship running and happy. Gestures under this category can include sending a sweet photo or a sensual post-it note that you sneaked inside their laptop screen. Let them know that they’re in your thoughts, constantly desiring them.
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Tips on How to Properly Engage in Effective Sexual Simmering
In order to maximize the goodness of this practice, here are a few tips to remember as you practice sexual simmering to improve your bond.
1 Set an intention.
Why do you want to try this practice out? Do you want to be more intimate with your partner? Are you craving to be in their presence more on top of busy schedules? Is your relationship spark dimming? Or simply do you want to maximize every given moment with them?
Your intention is the driving force behind sexual simmering. It’ll be your reason to keep going as you further enhance your relationship, and it might just make the sex even more satisfying if it goes through the route.
2 Schedule your sexcapade.
This may seem so formal, but it actually heats things up even more! Having a sex schedule gives you a sense of flow and direction, making everything run more smoothly and organized. You can also plan beforehand on how you’ll simmer before the act itself.
For example, you and your partner scheduled sex on a Friday night. To get things running, you gave them a warm yet longer hug before leaving for work. During breaks, you texted them with soft yet sultry words to feistier ones.
3 Take advantage of the small moments.
Whether it be having a few more minutes extra with one another or seeing they have extra space in their bag, make the most out of it. With that extra time, you can kiss and cuddle them a little more. And with that extra space, you can mischievously place a short love letter for them.
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Takeaway
Sexual simmering keeps the erotic aspect of your relationship intact. It’s not only through having sex wherein your erotic side can come out but by being in each other’s presence and taking action that can hone and strengthen it. We hope you use our examples well and responsibly as you learn the art of simmering, beloved reader!