What To Do When Cheated On: 10 Actionable Steps to Take

Disclaimer: This guide about what to do when cheated on when dating is meant to be a source of valuable information for the reader. However, it is not a substitute for direct expert assistance. Seek help from a professional if you’re seeking for personalized advice.

Nobody wants to be cheated on. Ever. 

It’s a terrible and traumatic experience to go through that takes a lot of time to heal from. It’ll also change you as a person, painfully accepting that things are just not going to be the same anymore. Sure, there may be growth through this experience. But the in-between moments consist of fleeting reminders of that very heartbreak. And oftentimes, you’ll find yourself lost and disoriented. What now? How do I get back on track? Will things ever get better?

If you find yourself going through such pain, you’ve come to the right place.

This guide is for lost souls who want to take clear, fervent action after being cheated on. Rather than letting that event consume them, they’re ready to regain their power and become stronger people. We will also delve on how cheating can be discovered and the emotional journey and turmoil the victim experiences from it. And in the end, they decide whether they continue or end things fully.

Finding out that you were cheated on can be…

1 Sudden

Like no warning at all. Just when you think everything is okay and strong, you’d unexpectedly catch your partner with another person sexually. Or randomly came across a stream of texts exchanged between them on their phone because their phone kept lighting up with notifications.

There are various scenarios that fit in this category, but they’re all equally shocking and heart-wrenching.

2 Gradual

You’ve been suspicious. That’s the keyword. 

There have been certain cues and hints, like late replies, not being so intimate and affectionate with you, becoming distant, and more. But you thought otherwise. You believed and trusted in them, the latter being a strong trait needed in any relationship. And yet, they did it anyways. As the hints surrounding their infidelity add up and are confirmed, the pain afterwards really effing sucks.

Emotional Tolls Faced When Cheated On

This section may or may not be the exact order of emotions one feels when cheated on. Regardless, each feeling is valid and deserves to be recognized. Because hey, cheating is the last thing you want to experience when you’re in an exclusive relationship.

1 You’re shocked and heartbroken.

Because WTF?! How can they do this to you? Imagine investing all this time and energy on them and the relationship that you’ve built, only for them to throw it away when they go to another person. There are a lot of tears during this time, even isolation from everything and everyone from such devastation.

2 You’re also angry.

As sadness settles, anger takes a seat right beside it. Hello, hopping on another person just like that to satisfy their needs? It makes you feel unworthy and low, which is unfair on your end as you wonder why they couldn’t communicate with you and chose to ruin your relationship instead. It also leads you to ponder how cheating became an option for them. 

Like what about you urged them to do so? The audacity!

3 You become hard on yourself.

As the anger and pain are established, you start ruminating about where it could’ve started and how you acted then. Was I not attentive enough? Did I do something wrong that made them do this? All that self-doubt creeps in and you beat yourself up for the times you may not have appreciated them more. Wherein you believe that if you did, they wouldn’t have cheated. 

But please understand that cheating is a them problem.

4 It’s hard to trust anyone.

Your partner betrayed your trust, making you question those around you. You’re already in such a vulnerable state, finding it hard to get close to anyone because what if they hurt you, too? And by anyone, even your close companions because you also don’t want them to see you at your lowest.

But sis, they are meant to be supportive during those tough times. That’s what friends or trusted companions are for!

5 The things around you feel meaningless.

Your hobbies, interests, and even purpose in life? Just nothing. You’d feel numb when you need to release some steam.

6 It’s possible to throw anything they’ve given you.

The thought of them irks you. You don’t want any connection to them, so those gifts they’ve given you are going straight to the trash.

7 You’re most likely to block and unfollow them online.

Especially when you decide to break up, you’d rather not have any interaction whatsoever with them. You’d only be reminded of what they did if they pop up in your feed.

8 You’ll grieve over the past.

Things aren’t going to be the same as they used to. You’ll have your moments of nostalgia, missing the old you and the past you with them. Like don’t put yourself down if you find yourself that way. It’s understandable when you’ve had fun times with them. But then again, they brought this storm of negativity on themselves. 

At the same time, it may make you more afraid to open your heart again. But understand that it was their fault, not yours. So that when you’re ready to love again, you’ll be smarter, wiser, and more attentive as you explore the dating world again.

What To Do When Cheated On

After finding out that your partner hasn’t been so loyal to you, it messes with your mind. Everything around you feels pointless. But bestie, a lot of things in cheating are out of your control. But what you can control is how you get through it and eventually heal from it.

Don’t let their cheating incident define you and be your ultimate falldown. Instead, take baby steps into navigating this challenging route of healing through this section.

1 Understand that it’s not your fault.

Cheating is never the fault of the victim! Cheating is a clear choice. Regardless of whether alcohol was involved (because in a lot of situations, it is), the cheater chose to be unfaithful and indulge their desires and needs from another person. 

There are people who victim-blame (ahem, friends of the cheater and even their moms), which is NOT IT. Cheaters need to be held accountable for their wrongdoings.

And to those who felt victim, there’s no way you could’ve known or try to stop it from happening. Especially when you gave them your trust, they decided to take advantage of that, of you. Don’t let other’s opinions sway you otherwise. 

2 Have some space away from them.

Upon finding out, distancing yourself from them is the right thing to do. When you’re at the peak of your emotions, you may say and/or do things you’ll regret afterwards. 

Giving yourself some space away from them allows you clear your head and slowly ease the stress in your body as time passes. You’ll process and sort your feelings out better as well so you can make better decisions. If you live together, you may want to stay in a different space of the house or temporarily stay somewhere else. If not, reducing any communication with them, like virtual, would be the best as you let your emotions simmer.

3 Feel everything that comes up.

Bestie, being cheated on is literally a painful experience. It’s not something you can easily push away, not when you and your partner have been through so much together, the good and bad. Plus, the emotions that come up are unpredictable and spontaneous. One moment, you’re angry and punching the air at the thought of them. Then suddenly, you’re crying again on your pillow. 

Just as we mentioned in the previous section, being a victim of cheating puts you on a wild emotional rollercoaster ride. Take this time to freely express whatever comes up and not hold back. It’s a way to be honest and validate their presence. Take deep breaths too in between to ground yourself.

4 Have an outlet that can release those pent-up emotions.

Bottled-up emotions cloud your judgment and stress you out even more. It’s encouraged to let them out rather than keeping themselves to yourself. There are many outlets out there you can partake in, so it’s all about finding the one that’s most comfortable for you. That way, you’d be able to word your thoughts properly and even optimistically.

One outlet is through journaling, wherein you jot down your thoughts and feelings through pen and paper in real time. No filters, no judgment, only authenticity and transparency. You may also confide with your close companions in person or online to let some steam out. Even seeing a therapist may benefit you in making better choice.

For a more interactive approach, there are escape rooms that involve smashing things out of stress relief. If there’s such an escape room like that in your area, give it a try. Wear the proper clothes and shoes too as items like plates, tables, and glass-made pieces are items up for destroying.

5 Take extra care of yourself.

Being a victim of cheating can put anyone at the lowest part of your life. Even if there are other positive things surrounding you, the pain of cheating is like no other. You’re more likely to be tempted to curl up in your bed and be alone, wallowing up in all that sorrow and betrayal. But no! That’s setting you up for self-destruction.

6 Resist the urge for vengeance.

Thoughts of vengeance may erupt in your mind during this hard time. Like give them a taste of their own medicine! However, that’ll just worsen the already-terrible situation and show that you’re willing to go down their level. Which you shouldn’t do! 

Being the bigger person here is best, even if it’s hard. So, those urges to sleep around or badmouth them online are not the way to go. You may regret some of those things once you’ve cooled off.

7 Seek support from your trusted companions.

We mentioned this earlier, but it deserves a tip of its own. It’s healthy to be surrounded by trusted companions who only want the best for you. Being with them, whether in person or even virtually, brings you safety and support. You let yourself admit and come clean on how you really feel about the situation. In exchange, they can be there for you by listening to you, giving you food, and even taking you out for fresh air and a good time. This tip also avoids isolation and having to deal with the problem on your own. No human is an island, after all.

8 Ask for professional help if necessary.

This tip is a more refined version of the previous one. Talking to a professional provides you deeper insight and advice that aid you in processing your emotions better. From there, you’ll make better, more well-thought decisions to make as you go through this situation. Plus, no judgment at all, and you’re free to express everything on your mind.

9 Cut off the other party.

This tip mainly applies if the person your partner cheated you on with is someone you know. It can be a friend or acquaintance, close family even. Cheating is never okay, especially when they, too, choose to partake in it without remorse. They’re just as guilty as your cheating partner, so if you want to take charge of your mental health and self-worth, snip snip!

And yes, may be easier said than done for some of you, but it’s an ideal choice to make in the long-run.

10 Make a decision.

As you take all these actionable steps for your personal healing journey, you now have to decide what this relationship now means to you. Is it still worth another try or was the damage too severe? You have to remember how the situation went down and figure out if you can still trust them. Or another way to phrase it, to stay or leave?

To stay would mean to address where you and your partner went wrong and how to mend things. This can be done through counseling. To leave would be breaking things off officially and moving out if you live together. Even blocking their number and socials if you don’t want to associate them in your life.

The decision is up to you. But please keep in mind that you should do what’s best for you and your overall well-being.

Signs to Leave When Cheated On

This section is for those who are still split between staying or walking away from their partner who cheated on them. Here’s a list of deal-breakers to keep an eye out for that’ll narrow down your choices.

1 They pin the blame on you.

Instead of showing remorse and apologizing, they make it a you problem. They refuse to take accountability for their actions, which is a sign of immaturity and further adds more pain. They may even give a half-meant sorry just for the sake of it but yeah, it’s not authentic or genuine. May it be from having high pride or they believe they didn’t cheat like delusional much?

A person who doesn’t take accountability for any mistakes they make, big or small, is not worth staying with. They may even minimize or invalidate your feelings in the process, not seeing the cheating as a big deal. But it is!

At this rate, you’re prone to being their emotional punching bag, which you aren’t. And if that’s the case, saying bye-bye is in order.

2 They try to defend themselves.

Honey, there’s no good reason to cheat. What’s there to defend? Other than them being stupid, that’s for sure. But yeah, cheating is a negative situation with no loopholes and when done, expect the worst to come out of it. If your partner tries to find ways to fend their cheating, that’s one indicator that they aren’t good for you. Because that may lead to more cheating, which is not good for you.

3 They continue the lies.

Choosing Therapy shares that lying builds more distrust and anxiety, especially after being cheated on. What kind of relationship doesn’t have trust? Consider it void and over if you can’t see each other eye to eye and they have any hidden agendas that would hurt you.

4 They still see the person they cheated you on with.

Like hello, this sign screams major red flag energy! This is the reason why everything went to sh-

Anyways, your partner still seeing that person after getting caught can lead your relationship down a toxic route. Two-timing you like that and not considering your feelings after everything? This relationship is just a waste of time and energy at this point, so walking away is the ideal solution even if it hurts. 

5 They don’t want to discuss about the cheating.

Uhm, that’s literally the elephant in the room! 

A healthy relationship requires communication and trust to work out, but then they’d rather not discuss it. That can be because they either don’t see fault in it or refuse to accept that they hurt you. Instead, they think that everything is okay and nothing needs to be fixed. They won’t even reassure you that they won’t do it again because they’d be acknowledging that they were in the wrong. This would then lead you to question if they care about you and whether this relationship is worth fighting for.

Takeaway

Nothing can really prepare you for what to do when you get cheated on. To be a victim of cheating, it means experiencing a lot of unexpected life shifts and occasional emotional breakdowns. All of which you didn’t ask for. Yet there’s growth during those tough times that gives you lessons and further deepens the bond you have with yourself. 

Don’t let yourself self-destruct during and after this tumultuous phase. Easier said than done, but it’s one big step into healing and becoming a stronger person.