14 Effective Ways on How to Detach From Someone

Navigating the ropes on how to detach from someone feels so daunting. Just the thought of it, the big changes it can bring, makes you feel small and weak.

Especially when you have a friendship, familial, or romantic relationship that no longer serves you, you may be uncertain on whether or not you want to take that big step. If you needed a sign, you came to the right place!

In this guide, we’ll discuss what it means to detach from someone, what good it can do, and clear tips on how to do so. And if you’re curious about how long it may take to move on from such detachment, we’ll talk a bit about it here too.

But First, What Does It Mean to Detach From Someone?

The kind of detachment we’ll be focusing on is emotional detachment. 

Emotional detachment is a term usually viewed in a negative light. It’s physically (and commonly) depicted when one acts cold, distant, and even heartless towards another person. In other words, they don’t care. Such detachment can apply to various relationships, like corporate-related ones and parent-child relationships.

However, this is not the kind of emotional detachment we’ll be talking about.

Charlie Health defines emotional detachment as “consciously or unconsciously disconnecting yourself from emotional experiences or attachments to others.”

Alongside this, it can also mean altering the way you view your bond and your emotional investment in them. You take a step back to fully evaluate whether you still benefit from this relationship. From there, you decide whether or not you want to continue it.

Reasons Behind Why People Detach From Someone

Before learning how to detach from someone, it’s important to know the root cause of it. Read this section to learn the possible reasons for detaching certain people in our lives.

1 They experience constant life shifts.

There’s a lot of stress when you’re constantly going through new changes in your life. For example, you’re moving cities and the relationship you hold isn’t sustainable with the distance in between. So rather than continuing it, you’d rather detach for a fresh slate.

2 They break up.

This reason mainly applies to romantic relationships and friendships. There are a lot of emotions and effort exerted towards that person, which only brings you pain and guilt afterwards. Thus, you’d emotionally detach yourselves as a way to protect your heart and keep your mental state intact. To remember that there was a whole you before they entered the picture.

3 The relationship they have is toxic.

A toxic relationship can be shown in many ways. Some ways include:

1. Experiencing abuse and violence
2. Being neglected
3. Gaslighting and manipulation
4. Extreme jealousy
5. Crossing boundaries
6. Having control over your personal time
7. Disrespecting you
8. Isolating you from everyone and everything around you
9. Infidelity and betrayal
10. Lack of support and trust

Any kind of relationship can be toxic, including familial, romantic, and platonic. A lot of the time, the victim experiences these red flags when they’re in deep with this person. But eventually, they’ll come to the brave solution of cutting them off and detaching from them. The former step is essential before the next so they won’t have any more access to you.

But Why Do Some Choose Not To?

The reasons why people are hindered from emotional detaching from someone can vary from case to case. Here’s a short list of potential reasons behind it.

1 They’re scared.

Some people don’t want to deal with the consequences of detaching from someone, especially if they’re from a close-knit group (e.g., family or friends). Consequences can be still seeing each other often (like that can be awkward) or not wanting their unaffected companions to choose sides. 

On the other hand, they don’t want to get hurt even more if they’re being threatened.

2 They don’t want any conflict or confrontation.

People avoid conflict because it’s stressful and puts you on the spot, having everyone perceive you in various ways. It can be a lot to take in, especially if their perception of you is negative.

3 The bond they once shared is deep and meaningful.

Even if a relationship turns toxic, the people involved have good moments together initially. They may still hold on to those memories, even if they know that the present is different now.

How Long Does It Take to Detach From Someone?

It depends! There’s really no given timeline as emotional detachment is fluid. And people’s relationships are unique.

Luckily, there are several factors that can help determine this. Those factors include:

1. Your coping mechanisms
2. Your type of attachment style
3. The kind of relationship you have with this person
4. Past experiences that shaped your life
5. Your personal upbringing

You may refer to these very factors when you go through a phase of emotionally detaching someone.

Why Detaching From Someone is Good For You

Browse through this brief yet helpful section to unveil just how beneficial emotional detaching from someone who isn’t a positive influence in your life can be.

1 You prioritize your mental health.

Detachment pulls us away from the negativity that a certain someone radiates towards you. From there, it slowly brings you peace of mind as they are no longer there to bother you. Or if you know that you need extra help after detaching from there, you’d understand the importance of seeking professional help as a step to self-love.

2 It paves a way for personal growth.

As you learn how to detach from someone, you understand the value of putting yourself first above all else. You recenter all that energy to yourself, letting go of trying to control that very person causing you emotional harm. Only would you focus on the things you can control, reclaiming your power. And at the same time, you get to invest in your emotional maturity, especially during hard times.

3 You pay better attention to the things that truly matter.

Being laser-focused on someone who isn’t good for you makes you forget about the other aspects of life. But once they’re gone, it makes you re-shift your attention elsewhere. To the things and people that spark joy and purpose to you. It may be a challenge at first if your degree of attachment to someone is deep. But with consistent action, you’ll leave that state and embrace a happier and emotionally healthier version of yourself.

Realistic Ways on How to Detach From Someone

Let’s finally put in the work of emotionally detaching ourselves from someone with these useful ways.

1 Detect the reason behind detaching from someone.

As you begin your detachment phase, it’s important to know why you want to do it. We may have listed down some possible reasons above, but knowing your why gives you a sense of direction and purpose. That you’re not just doing it for no reason, and that the reason is valid and beneficial for your overall well-being. From there, you can then create your action plan.

2 Don’t push away your feelings.

Resisting any feelings that come up as you detach from someone rather than expressing them will damage you more. For one, it’ll increase stress and tension alongside make it difficult to process emotions in the long-run. Releasing them lets you be honest and vulnerable within yourself and sets you free from its chains. Plus, remember that emotions are fleeting and we shouldn’t attach or identify ourselves with them.

3 It’s okay to grieve.

It’s common to experience pain and guilt when you separate yourself from someone you’re detaching yourself from. There’s also a part of you that gets detached; the part that used to be so close with them. Your old self. That’s grief talking as you’ve distanced from this person for good. After all, they were still someone you were close to or at least spent a lot of time and effort with.

During this stage, you may also wonder if you made the right decision or if you could’ve gone lightly on that person. But then again, you still choose to prioritize yourself, so freely allow yourself to feel any erupting emotions when they arise.

However, don’t let this grief define and consume you whole. There are still many people you have yet to meet and have better connections with.

4 Give yourself some space and distance.

Detaching from someone is almost like another breakup on top of another one. So distancing yourself from this person or any related environments allows you to take a breather, step back, and see the world from a new perspective.

5 Carve out time in things that bring you joy and purpose.

As you detach from someone, it’s the right time to pour all that energy back into you—to put you first! One way to do that is to invest your time in various hobbies, new or old. By doing so, you give another aspect of yourself the spotlight and express yourself uniquely.

Another way to prioritize yourself is setting new goals. It makes you look forward to the future, but mainly enjoy the present and the step-by-step process to getting there. It’s not about the destination, but the journey achieving it.

6 Establish new and better boundaries.

The relationship you’ve detached yourself from reflects how your boundaries then weren’t effective and firmly respected. So it’s time to make changes and renew your system of boundaries. It can be physical, wherein you lessen or no longer see them in person.

It can also be emotional, wherein you no longer open up to them as you used to, saying no to things you don’t agree with, and needing social battery breaks.

7 Have patience with yourself.

Any relationship that you detach yourself from doesn’t magically heal itself. You still hold on to old memories and invest so much time and effort in this person. Those aspects are already ingrained in the timeline of your life. Understand that you’ll have up and down days, yet everything will always turn out as it’s supposed to. And remember any tough situation that you thought you’d never make it out alive but you did. Those are the memories that’ll give you hope and trust in yourself. 

And also don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself thinking about this person. Thoughts are just as fleeting as emotions but don’t linger on them for too long.

8 Don’t isolate yourself from other people.

Detaching from someone elevates the fear of being with people. You’re afraid of getting too close and honest with them because it may just set you up for pain and heartbreak. However, you can’t call the shots just yet if nothing hasn’t even begun yet.

Isolation gets you nowhere. You’ll suffer more when you actually need support the most because your emotions have nowhere else to go. You can even suffer chronic illnesses from it.

9 Gain support from close companions.

Our close companions are the people we can confide in both good and bad times. They can be close family and friends. Lean on them during this time, ask them for advice that can improve your emotional and mental health or to simply be in your presence. Even that can be comforting enough.

10 Block them on social media if you need to.

You curate what you see and consume on social media. It can be a bad, unhealthy place if you continue seeing content from the person you’re trying to detach from. Their presence continues to linger on, which can make you ruminate and overthink. Thus, do a social media cleanse by unfollowing and even blocking the person you’re trying to detach from. That way, you wouldn’t encounter them on your feed whatsoever and not get triggered. They’re also out of sight, out of mind to you.

But try not to maintain your emotions if they suddenly come up in other people’s stories. That’s something you have no control over.

11 Jot your feelings down.

In other words, journal it out. It’s a powerful way to release any stress building up in your mind, which can then lessen any tension in your body. It’s also an avenue to fully express your authentic self without any judgment. Whatever flows through your mind, you simply write it down to assert that this is what I am feeling and that it’s valid.

12 Delete and declutter anything that reminds you of them!

If you want to take drastic measures, this tip is for you! If the relationship you had with this person ended fully, erasing any trace of them can gradually aid you in moving on. But you don’t have to delete every picture, video, or online conversation instantly if you still haven’t fully processed your emotions. Don’t rush the healing process and take your time here. Maybe put your recently taken photos with them first then slowly make your way until the end.

On the other hand, if you’re more than capable of throwing away any key items that remind them of you, feel free to do so!

13 Avoid giving in to vices.

Should be self-explanatory! Engaging in vices as a coping mechanism can damage your overall health and lifestyle. They can even become an addiction if you place no proper boundaries around them.

14 Seek professional help.

Learning how to detach from someone may remain a difficult feat to accomplish alone, even if you establish a strong support system and do any of these other tips.

Thus, seeing a professional can give you the extra support you need to improve your mental health. They can help you better process your emotions and view your situation with much more understanding, able to see beyond the lines and any patterns you have. 

They are also someone with whom you can fully be yourself around without judgment, feeling safe to discuss everything that’s bothering you as you detach from someone.

Takeaway

The process on how to detach from someone makes up room for so much personal growth. It may bring out so much discomfort, but you know that it comes from a place of self-love. That you deserve more than what you are being given. We hope that our tips on detachment we provided resonate with you, beloved reader!