How to Overcome Slut-Shaming and Reclaim Your Power!

If there’s one unfortunate thing that a lot of people (especially women) will learn to deal with, it’s how to overcome slut-shaming. Yup, you heard us. 

The modern age may be progressive and more open, but the patriarchy still exists and remains quite prominent in numerous aspects of living. For instance, certain expectations from women are unrealistic and unequal in contrast to men. Specifically, those related to sex. When women or females choose to follow a different route, it may result in backlash from those around them.

This instance remains prevalent today, but it doesn’t mean we must sulk and absorb the negative feelings we gain. We can always choose to be reactive by defending ourselves and/or going on a healing journey that will build our mental strength. You have options here, but they are all linked to how to overcome slut-shaming.

So if you want to become a stronger version of yourself, this guide is for you. 

What is Slut-Shaming?

Choosing Therapy defines slut-shaming as “the act of judging, stigmatizing, or bullying people based on their appearance, sexual attitudes, and actual or perceived sexual habits.” 

Anyone can fall victim to slut-shaming, but females (AFAB and those who present themselves as one) are the most common victims. In a society still deeply rooted in the double standard, cis hetero men are more in favor of sleeping around (even praised for it), while women get ostracized for it. 

Aside from women, gay men can also fall victim to this type of bullying.

Slut-shaming can happen online or offline. In-person or behind your back. From a stranger or a loved one. Direct or indirect.

A person who engages in slut-shaming (unintentionally or intentionally) is called a slut-shamer.

Reasons Behind Slut-Shaming

Uncover the various reasons behind this degrading act here.

1 It tries to stop someone from expressing their sexuality.

This reason is especially known among women, coming from the very dated belief that women aren’t allowed to be sexual on their own terms. Additionally, only their husband can introduce the idea of sex to them as a means of procreation. Hence, men sleep around with female sex workers prior to marriage as a way of learning (and well, leisure too).

Despite the shifts surrounding this belief, there’s that underlying takeaway that women shouldn’t be as active or expressive in sex like men. That women should stay celibate and pure rather than exploring and learning what it is.

However, abstinence isn’t always what people want to practice. In fact, learning about sex, even the basics, can help you make better-informed decisions. This does not necessarily lead to doing the deed, but at least it keeps you safe and alarmed about the different STDS and birth control options out there.

2 It’s someone’s way of feeling superior.

And it’s a bad way to do so. 

This reason may be seen the most among highly religious people, firmly holding on to their beliefs and belittling those who don’t resonate with them. 

It can also seen through cis hetero men, who want to get back at someone when they get rejected by them. Whether it be a rejection in terms of romance or sex, they’ll call them all sorts of degrading terms and trash-talk them to anyone who’ll listen. Ehem, toxic masculinity over here.

Even with these examples, anyone can be a slut-shamer and try to uplift themselves by lowering others down. They want to try and claim someone’s body as their own to control and demean.

3 The double standard still stands firm.

We’ve mentioned this standard quite a number of times already in this guide already. And yet, it remains relevant as we learn about the concept of slut-shaming and how detrimental it can be. 

Let’s take the school dress code, for example. Commonly, female students in non-uniform schools are encouraged not to wear anything short, sleeveless, or plunging to look decent and “not distract the male students.” No matter how many times this latter is debunked, female students can find themselves at the school office to claim an infraction slip. Or even get judgemental views from staff. Then in terms of decency, it feels demeaning that certain clothes won’t present you as a proper human being.

The dress code rules can also affect those who don’t stick to the binary in clothes, like a male student wearing a skirt out of interest. They can still be called a slut or have their sexual orientation be questioned or gossiped about.

Examples of Slut-shaming

Stay educated on the assorted ways that are linked to slut-shaming.

1. Calling someone a “slut” or any similar words (e.g., whore, bimbo, malaswa, marupok, etc.) with or without context
2. Backstabbing or gossiping about someone’s sex life 
3. Degrading someone based on their clothes, especially revealing ones
4. Victim-blaming someone who was taken advantage of
5. Verbally judging someone who is sex positive
6. Nonconsensual taking of sex tapes and/or nudes of you, then posts it online
7. Getting dress-coded 
8. Shaming someone who enjoys touching themselves
9. Seeing someone dressed up and going “oh, they’re definitely asking for sex”
10. Bringing up someone’s sexual history and/or body count, wherein you know they don’t feel comfortable with
11. Anonymously commenting on someone’s sex life and sexuality on an online platform or even through the bathroom stalls or hallways walls of school
12. Judging someone on their sexual interests that may differ from yours

Harmful Effects of Slut-shaming

Browse through the numerous detrimental ways in which slut-shaming can affect someone.

1 It instills feelings of guilt and shame.

Especially when it occurs indirectly, it’s a painful experience to get slut-shamed. Particularly for females, we grew up with the idea that anything we cause to ourselves that’s related to our body or sexuality is our fault. Not the perpetrator, but ours.

Ever heard of the lines “eh kasi bakit ganyan suot mo”, “bakit ganyan ang ugali mo sa kanila”, or “alam mo naman lalaki sila” or at least anything similar to them? Yeah, it’s a tough world out there.

Upon getting slut-shamed, you’d ponder on your past choices, wondering how you could’ve approached it differently. Now that you knew something bad was going to happen, you’d wish to spare yourself from the hurt. And you’d also think it was your fault, even if you were a victim. 

At the same time, it’s as if you can trust anyone. Even if you have your support system, you feel worried about other people’s intentions toward you. You may find yourself pushing them away or feel even more bad about yourself because there are people who may side with the slut-shamer. It also makes you less likely to speak up and hide from people, deepening the pain you’re experiencing.

2 You become more self-conscious.

When you get slut-shamed, it can affect the way you view yourself. One way is through your clothes, wherein you worry over every little detail of your outfit. Is it so short? Should I cover up? Or should I just change the whole outfit?

With self-consciousness from slut-shaming, it also paves the way for body issues. You don’t feel comfortable in your skin, wishing you had certain body traits that may have avoided the situation. For example, you may wish for a smaller set of breasts because someone called you a slut for having a relatively bigger pair. 

In a more drastic and even lifelong approach, you may come across body dysmorphia.

3 One’s mental health is at risk.

Slut-shaming is extra harsh on young girls, which can lead to mental health conditions like depression and anxiety disorder. They may even have the urge to isolate themselves from those around them, keeping their pain to themselves.

In worst-case scenarios, they may even develop suicidal thoughts or attempts. But do understand that this is never the answer and you shouldn’t be alone during this time.

4 It makes one wary of their sex life.

If you’re someone who’s single and sexually active, being slut-shamed may make you question your body count or how often you sleep around. The slut-shamer can be someone you slept with or a “friend” who isn’t as sex-positive as you are. It may hinder you from doing the deed or affect your flow when sleeping with someone. Even if you enjoy it, your “friend’s” harsh words may reverb back and affect your mood.

5 Anger can also spike up.

While you may feel down when slut-shamed, anger can blend in too. Especially when you know it’s not your fault; you’re mad that someone disrespected you like that. Even if you try to defend yourself, they won’t listen to you, which only frustrates you even more. In a society that still blames the victim in situations like this, you’re not okay to be ostracized like this. That your worth is based on how you appeal to others.

6 There are fewer open discussions about sex.

That’s how strong the impact slut-shaming can bring to someone. As a result, it makes someone refuse any sexual health education, from not wanting to talk about protection to learning how their bodies actually work.

Powerful Tips on How to Overcome Slut-shaming

Take fervent action on overcoming slut-shaming through our vital tips down below.

1 Understand that it wasn’t your fault.

No matter what the situation, there’s no excuse for anyone to call or treat you like a slut. Whatever they say to defend themselves is wrong and detestful even. “It’s not my fault your clothes are like that”, “You acted so suggestively with me.”, “You should’ve slept with me so I wouldn’t have called you that”, like do they make any sense to you?

Only a slut-shamer is in the wrong, and nothing can cover that up. Slut-shaming reflects them, their upbringing, and their views on sexuality and freedom of expression. It’s a them problem, not you.

2 Fully process your feelings.

Whether it be a blend of sadness and anger, feel them wholly. Even if it hurts, acknowledging and accepting their presence would diminish its power over time. It can also improve your clarity on the situation and provide you with a new perspective on how to view and approach it.

3 Lean towards your close companions for support.

Having a support system to whom you can express your worries is one important tip as you learn how to overcome slut-shaming. You need a strong community around you who can help carry or lessen the burden in your chest.

4 Don’t downplay it.

For most, victims choose to view the situation minimally, like it’s no big deal. But really, it’s bigger than it seems because the slut-shamer meant what they said. This “joke” shouldn’t be taken lightly and normalized as well, and you shouldn’t let this person get away with it. And if you let them out of late realization or fear, take this experience as a lesson to not let anyone treat you badly.

5 Cut off or stay distant slut-shamers.

Quite a bold tip on how to overcome slut-shaming.

But if the slut-shamer is someone you’re close to or within your circle, it’s no good to keep them around long-term. Like what more bad stuff they want to say to you or ways they want to shame you? After all, they say you’re a reflection of your friends. And if you tolerate a disrespectful friend, that may mean you tolerate any disrespect towards you. 

Chop, chop, it’s time to cut them off. Even if it’s family, you must do what’s best for you.

However, in case that cutting off is too drastic to do right away, setting some distance from the slut-shamer is a good start. It can then be an eventual drift and detachment, wherein you’ve also given your emotions a lot more time to process the situation.

6 Seek professional help.

As mentioned before in the previous section, slut-shaming can harm your mental health. And in some scenarios, facing it alone and with a support system may not be enough to overcome it. Thus, consulting a professional may be advisable, through therapy or counseling. 

They’ll provide you with a safe space to talk about your feelings and experiences. Afterwards, they’ll provide advice and activities that’ll confront your emotions, lessen your insecurity and negativity toward yourself, and rebuild positive self-image.

Aside from the mentioned options, you can also join support groups and listen to other people’s stories. And when you’re ready, you can open up about your experience out of relief, release, and closure.

7 Educate others on slut-shaming.

Rather than just overcoming it, we can stop this type of bullying and avoid any future victims by teaching those around us about slut-shaming. From where it started and how it can affect the way someone views others, we can make a difference. You can teach about it to your close companions or any sort of community, like teenagers and adults.

8 Stand up for yourself!

This tip is the peak on how to overcome slut-shaming. 

Once you’ve built the mental and emotional strength to not let any verbal comments hurt you, you naturally voice out your concerns. If you’re in a situation wherein there’s direct or indirect slut-shaming going on, you don’t hold yourself back. Although you compose your thoughts and words, you express that their comment is disrespectful and you won’t let it slide.

But even if you’re still working on your mental strength when it happens, you’re not going to let the slut-shamer get away with it. You can confront them like, “Hey, I’m not okay with your comment, and I’d appreciate it if you don’t say things like that again.”

Whatever reaction you receive, good or bad, shouldn’t matter. What matters is taking steps to protect yourself and your well-being.

Takeaway

Learning how to overcome slut-shaming isn’t an easy journey, given the deep history of sexism in society. It takes time to heal despite its degree of severity. However, when we do take the steps to heal and strengthen our mentality, we’ll be more capable of standing up for ourselves. If you want to read more guides related to becoming a better, stronger you like this one, head on over to the Lauvblog here.