Fake Orgasms: 8 Reasons It’s Unhealthy for Your Sex Life

When it comes to fake orgasms, we’re all probably thinking of that specific scene from the rom-com movie “When Harry Met Sally.”

Sally Albright, played by Meg Ryan, and Harry Burns, played by Billy Crystal, are having a conversation about whether women can fake orgasms convincingly. Sally insists that women can, in fact, fake it so well that men wouldn’t know the difference.

In a humorous attempt to prove her point, Sally proceeds to fake an orgasm right there in the deli, much to the surprise and discomfort of Harry and the other customers. She closed her eyes, moaned loudly, and rocked her body back and forth.

After her performance, one of the customers says to the waiter, “I’ll have what she’s having.” She’s definitely saying what most women are probably thinking at that moment.

While this scene shows a comedic yet candid take on female sexuality, it also highlights a broader societal phenomenon. It sheds light on the commonality of individuals resorting to fake orgasms and the dynamics surrounding this aspect of intimate relationships.

Now, if you’re somebody who’s experienced having a partner who’s faking it or someone who actually resorts to faking the big O, we’re here to help you understand fake orgasms more.

What is a Fake Orgasm?

The term is pretty straightforward, but if you want further deets, a fake orgasm is the act of simulating or pretending to experience sexual climax when, in reality, no orgasm is occurring.

As for the signs, you can’t simply point out whether a person is having a fake climax. There’s no universal template for an orgasm. However, consider talking to your partner if you’ve noticed the following behaviors:

• There are inconsistencies in their body language.
• If the person’s reactions appear exaggerated, almost as if they’re acting like a pornographic actor.
• If they suddenly want to change the way you pleasure them. If they’ve been saying they climax on vaginal penetration, then suddenly they want to receive more cunnilingus. Most of the time, if the person gets off on what they experience, they don’t necessarily want to change the routine since it feels incredibly good to them— unless they’ve been faking it.

If you’re curious about whether your partner is genuine, consider seeking honest feedback. Instead of pressuring them to admit if they’re faking it, inquire about ways to enhance the experience. Open communication fosters understanding and can lead to a more satisfying connection.

Reasons Why Some People Fake Orgasms

Faking orgasms may be portrayed as comical in some shows and movies, but it’s actually stressful for people who have resorted to faking their Os. Below are some of the reasons why people engage in this behavior.

1They’re afraid to upset their partner.

Some people may find themselves faking orgasms due to an underlying fear of upsetting their partner. Some think that if they’re honest about what they feel in the bedroom, it’ll create a rift between them and their partner. There are also cases where their partner tends to lash out or get too emotional if criticized, which is why the person would rather fake it.

The genuine desire to please a partner and boost their ego can also be a motivating factor in faking orgasms. Individuals may engage in this behavior to affirm their partner’s sexual prowess and maintain a positive dynamic within the relationship.

2They actually have no idea of how sex or orgasm should be.

Not everyone has received adequate sex education in their teens or young adult years. For instance, in countries that have conservative and religious upbringings, there’s a stigma surrounding discussions about sex. Women may get slut-shamed for simply talking about sex. In contrast, men who may try to learn about sex can be seen as noob, so these guys would often turn to porn to educate themselves about sex. But since porn is mostly made for entertainment, they basically have a skewed perception of sex.

That’s why some people end up faking it, since they may not have a comprehensive awareness of their own bodies or the diverse ways in which people experience pleasure. This lack of knowledge can lead them to mimic expected reactions, perpetuating a cycle of misinformation and misunderstanding.

3Some people occasionally do it when they’re not in the mood.

There are instances when individuals might fake orgasms due to occasional disinterest or feelings of fatigue. For example, a man asked his stay-at-home wife to have sex. She was tired of household chores, but since she felt bad for saying no to her husband, she obliged. Since she’s sleepy and wants it to end, she would act like she climaxed when her husband was about to come.

4They have difficulty expressing their sexual desires.

Some people resort to fake orgasms since they can’t explicitly say their desires. This is often caused by their environment or upbringing; a woman who’s been taught that sex is bad and sinful may have suppressed her sexual feelings. She then resorts to simulated satisfaction to sidestep potentially awkward or vulnerable discussions.

5They may be dealing with health conditions that affect their ability to cum.

Not everyone who fakes an orgasm is doing it because they’re sexually unsatisfied. Some people can’t really get off, even if they’re with someone willing to go above and beyond to get them off. They may have anorgasmia, orgasm headache, or mental health conditions that make them zone out during the deed.

Some people’s difficulty in orgasm can also stem from hormonal imbalances, side effects of medications, or physical disabilities. Faking orgasms might be seen as a pragmatic strategy to navigate these complexities without burdening the relationship with the intricacies of their health.

Why Fake Orgasms Are Unhealthy For Sex Life

Faking an orgasm is simply a band-aid solution to deeper issues that you have with yourself and with your relationship. Yeah, it can temporarily stop the bleeding, but if the wound is too big and deep, the blood will eventually gush out.

That’s why, as much as possible, opt for more transparent sexual experiences with your partner, and below are some of the reasons why it should.

1It hinders you from experiencing satisfying orgasms.

Life is too short to resort to fake orgasms. By pretending that you’re having fun in the bedroom, you’re depriving yourself of satisfying sexual experiences. By embracing authenticity, you unlock the potential for genuine pleasure and foster an incomparable intimacy with your partner.

2You can’t fully enjoy the deed.

Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable for all parties. If all you do at the end is pretend to cum, you’ll eventually lose interest in sex overall. Not only can this create issues in the relationship, especially if your partner has a high sex drive, but it can also cause further sexual frustration on your end since your sexual needs are not met.

3You’re depriving your partner of opportunities to improve.

Let me start this point with a scenario. Let’s say you’re in a relationship and have done everything possible to show how you love them. You take them on dates, send sweet messages, and the like. They seemed happy with the relationship and would even post you on social media, saying how happy they were with you.

Then they suddenly ditch you with somebody… Of course, you’re shocked about it. When asked why, your partner said you’re not giving them the kind of love they want. They want a gift-giving and touchy partner. This frustrates you because your ex-partner never communicated this in the first place.

If you’re faking orgasms, not only are you depriving yourself of experiencing breathtaking pleasure, but you’re also depriving your partner of the opportunity to improve. They may want to fully please you, but you’re the only person who fully knows your body, so it’s best to guide them on how to love, nurture, and pleasure it. A secure partner will listen to these comments and try their best to provide the best experience for you.

4You may end up resenting your partner.

Faking orgasms may lead to unspoken frustrations, gradually damaging the joy in your connection and replacing it with silent disappointment. You may end up hating your partner, thinking that it’s unfair that they’re getting orgasms while you’re not getting any.

But as mentioned in the previous point, how would your partner try their best to improve if you validate their current actions? You can’t resent them for something they do not know they’re doing.

5It erodes trust and authenticity in a relationship.

Trust is crucial in any relationship; pretending during intimate moments can mess with that trust. When you fake enjoyment, you’re also indirectly lying to your partner. Once they figure out that you’re just pretending to cum, they may start doubting everything you say.

It can also be exhausting for you, as you’re continuously dealing with somebody who can’t fully trust you. That’s why it’s better to be honest than let them learn about these fake Os.

6You’ll eventually get tired of putting on an act.

Pretending in the bedroom, especially faking an orgasm for years, can be downright exhausting. For real, though, who wants to feel like they’re putting on an Oscar-worthy performance between the sheets? Not you, right?

It’s time to ditch the act, be real with yourself, and open up to your partner. Letting go of the pretense might be the key to unlocking a more satisfying connection in your intimate moments.

7It can lead to lower confidence in the bedroom.

When you always put your partner’s pleasure first, you may start thinking that you’re not worthy of having an orgasm, which can then result in you having low confidence in the bedroom. This might stir up additional challenges within yourself and your relationship beyond what’s happening in the bedroom.

By embracing your true desires and expressions, you empower yourself to communicate openly, explore fearlessly, and revel in the confidence that stems from genuine connection.

8It can hinder the relationship’s growth, possibly straining the connection in the future.

The consequences of faking orgasms aren’t just confined to the bedroom; they can actually influence the overall quality of your relationship. The deception in pretending to climax can create a rift in trust and authenticity.

Faking orgasms can also signal a breakdown in communication, as it suggests an unwillingness to openly discuss desires, preferences, and areas for improvement. Genuine intimacy flourishes when partners can express themselves authentically, fostering an environment of trust and understanding.

So even if on the outside the relationship seems thriving, it may actually be deteriorating inside since you don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with your partner and would rather resort to faking orgasms. As mentioned in the previous point, your partner finding or figuring out that you’ve been faking it all long can cause lasting damage to their trust.

What You Should Do Instead

Now that you’ve learned why fake orgasms aren’t beneficial for your sex life and relationship, let us walk you through the things you should do to free yourself from these fake Os and have a better understanding with your sensual self.

1Talk to your partner about your bedroom plays.

Communication is the bedrock of any solid relationship, especially concerning matters between the sheets.

Tell your partner you love being intimate with them, but you want to experience further pleasure in the bedroom. It may be difficult to admit, but you also have to let them know that you’ve been faking it in the deed.

Don’t expect that they’ll understand right then and there, as they might also feel hurt by the fact that you’re pretending to orgasm all along.

Once the fake orgasm has been discussed, you can then share with your partner about your bedroom escapades— what you love, what you’d like to explore, and any concerns you might have. Open dialogue transforms the bedroom from a place of mystery to a shared space where both your desires can shine.

2Show your real reactions during the deed.

Now that you’ve communicated your actual thoughts about the deed, it’s time to stop putting on an act in the bedroom. You can still express enjoyment, but don’t moan out like you’ve had the best sex of your life if that’s not really what you’re feeling inside. Don’t be afraid to showcase your real reactions and let your partner in on the genuine experience.

Sharing your pleasure and desires creates a more intimate connection, and trust me, authenticity is always a turn-on!

3Try using pleasure toys to increase your chances of orgasm.

If you’re really having some difficulty with orgasm, even if your partner is trying their best, consider introducing pleasure toys into the mix.

Sex toys such as vibrators, clit suckers, cock rings, and couple vibrators can add a delightful new dimension to your sexual activities. You can also explore kinky toys such as BDSM restraints, ticklers, nipple clamps, and the like. You might have a contextual desire (turns on through specific environments), and find yourself orgasming real quickly if you’re dominating or getting dominated.

4Try to achieve orgasms through self-pleasure.

Don’t underestimate the power of self-pleasure. If you’ve been faking orgasms because you actually have no idea what an orgasm feels like, take time to explore your body. Touch yourself. Use sex toys. Watch porn. Do what it takes to figure out your pleasure points.

Understanding your body can lead to better communication with your partner and even more satisfaction.

5If your partner constantly ignores your sexual concerns, evaluate the relationship.

Let’s say you’ve already shared your comments about sex with your partner, but they’re just consistently brushed aside by your partner. In this case, step back and evaluate the relationship.

A healthy connection is built on mutual respect and a willingness to address each other’s needs, especially in intimacy. As mentioned earlier, life is too short for unsatisfying sex. Why spend more time with someone whose only concern is their pleasure?

6Talk to a therapist if needed.

If you’re finding it challenging to navigate these waters on your own, there’s absolutely no shame in seeking the guidance of a therapist. Talking to a professional can offer fresh perspectives, tools to improve communication, and a safe space to explore any deeper issues affecting your intimate life.

Takeaway

As we reach the end of this guide, let’s shift our focus towards a brighter, more fulfilling path. We understand it’s difficult to tell your partner you’re unsatisfied in the bedroom. You’re afraid of the drama, confrontation, and possible heartbreak.

But think of it this way: stopping yourself from having fake orgasms helps you uncover a deeper understanding of your own desires. Not only that, but you’re also inviting your partner to join you on a journey of mutual exploration and satisfaction. After all, the richness of true intimacy lies in the ebb and flow of genuine experiences, away from unrealistic expectations.