Disclaimer: This article about gentle femdom refers to consensual activities between experienced adults. We do not promote or condone sexual assault in any form. Please note that this article is not a substitute for professional guidance from a therapist or other related experts; all studies referenced are linked for further reading and reference.
For those who enjoy soft BDSM or vanilla sex, trying out gentle femdom may take things up a notch even further. There’s truly nothing hotter and more empowering than seeing a female in charge.
If you want to learn more about this soft yet bold practice, keep on reading this guide.
What is Gentle Femdom?
Kinkly defines Gentle Femdom, or GFD for short, as “consensual domination by a female or femme-identifying partner who takes charge of their submissive in a caring and emotionally supportive way.” In other words, there’s none of that physical and mental humiliation and pain that’s usually associated with domination.
Moreover, an AFAB or female-identifying person takes charge here. They can be addressed as “gentle domme”, “gentle dominatrix” and “queen” by their submissive. Like its rougher counterpart, gentle femdom may be sexual or non-sexual, depending on what the couple decides. It can be both if it makes things more interesting in the relationship.
Why Are People Into It
Explore the different reasons behind people’s interest in gentle femdom down below.
1 It’s less drastic and emotionally distressing.
Gentle femdom focuses more on giving positive reinforcements in exchange for pain and degradation. It also doesn’t require extreme measures, may it be through the usage of tools, physical actions, and verbal words. Instead of impact play, cuddling as the big spoon may be your way of being dominant. Instead of not letting them touch you when you cuff them, you give them the freedom to explore your body under your command.
2 It’s another way to explore dominance.
All without instilling discipline and pain, even if everything is consensual.
It focuses on nurturing and taking care of the submissive rather than pursuing a bolder, more humiliating route. Moreover, it shows that dominance can be soft and compassionate. In turn, it becomes a great alternative when you want to balance out the intense and caring sides of BDSM.
3 There’s a lot of connection.
Gentle femdom prioritizes being nurturing and cherishing toward the submissive, which naturally brings them closer. For example, praising them for a job well done urges them to keep following your orders.
4 You and your partner become more intimate and sensual.
Channeling your nurturing side towards your partner only attracts more bond-building and closeness, making your actions towards them more meaningful and special. All while being in control of them. One example is brushing their hair while they eat you out as you ordered them, in which such an act is associated with protection, relaxation, and reassurance.
5 It’s inclusive.
While the dominant is an AFAB or a female-identifying person, the submissive can either be a male or female. Hence, any kind of couple can play around and engage in activities under gentle femdom.
Ways to Act Out Gentle Femdom
Get into the entertaining ropes of gentle femdom with these various ideas you can apply one by one within your relationship.
1 Roleplay
It’s always enjoyable to channel a different role away from usual day-to-day life. We all crave a distraction every now and then, and gentle femdom can offer you just that. Furthermore, channeling roles that involve nurturing and being nurtured works for gentle femdom.
Some examples worth trying here include:
- Erotic dancer and customer
- Boss and employee
- Monarch and maid/butler
- Pet and owner
- Tutor and student
The key to making this gentle femdom idea work is that consent is given all throughout, and the parties involved are of legal age.
2 Sensation Play
This activity doesn’t always mean it’s rough and tortuous; the whole pleasure in pain mantra. The main goal of sensation play is to heighten your senses to feel more pleasure, which can increase the bond and intimacy you share in the moment. It can also done to reward the submissive in the end. Such an activity builds up a lot of sexual tension, igniting more thrill between partners.
In terms of gentle femdom, exciting sensation play ideas you can do with your partner include:
- Temperature play: Placing an ice cube or carressing a cooled sex toy over their body can turn them on a lot!
- Reading erotica stories to them
- Intimate physical touch: We’re talking kissing, cuddling, and hugging.
- Listening to sexy music or sounds
- Engage in light bondage like rope
- Food play (mainly sweet things like whipped cream, chocolate, and any type of fruit)
- Blindfolding them: Make things mysterious but also not anything you didn’t agree to.
- Using a mirror to see everything unfold
3 Acts of Servitude
Instead of being harsh when ordering your submissive around, you’re tamer and the things you ask them to do are of the same wavelength. For example, you ask them to buy a cup of coffee in exchange for a heated makeout session later on. Or maybe you order them to keep a vibrator on under your control for an hour with a reward of relaxing sex later.
4 Dress Up
May it be during roleplay or real life, taking charge of your submissive’s wardrobe is a thrilling way to do gentle femdom. But they also can decide on what they wear, depending on what their gentle domme has to say.
Whatever you choose, go off! You can either dress your partner in the opposite sex’s clothing, a collar (BDSM classic), or any specific item of clothing or accessory that symbolizes your relationship. For example, you let them wear a certain type of bracelet everywhere they go as a reminder of who’s in charge.
5 Erotic Body Touching
You can also call this body worship, wherein your submissive show some love and adoration for your body. You let them do so until you feel content, or you may even urge them to beg if they have a specific body part or erogenous zone that they love about you.
Another way to act this out is by making them give you a sexy massage, but under your terms. You only let them touch a certain part, and they have to beg if they want to touch something else. But of course, it should be discussed and consented to early on.
Cuddling, kissing, nipple play, and breast play can also fall under this caliber.
6 Being the Bigger Spoon
This idea of gentle femdom focuses more on switching the roles, specifically when cuddling. Instead of you being the small spoon, let them be the ones to curl up against you. Allow them to place their head on your shoulder or lap, brushing them while watching tv or enjoying the quiet air around you. Such an intimate act shows them that they can seek comfort in you and allow them to be vulnerable in private.
7 Sex Toys
Goodness, this can go in so many different directions.
Vibrators make a great introductory option when starting out in gentle femdom, grazing it over their erogenous zones, or choosing specific vibes that target certain areas. You may even use it on yourself and let them watch, understanding what works for you and such. Or even to put them on the edge at the idea that they can’t touch you unless you let them.
8 Having soft, submissive sex
Soft, submissive sex can look like following sex positions that are female-dominant or treating your partner well. With the first idea, you can get on top of them in cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, or queening positions. Show them who’s the boss!
Then with the second idea, you work with their erogenous zones. If they’re a vulva owner, eat them out or use a strap-on dildo for deep penetration. That last idea can work for a penis owner, wherein pegging them is peak gentle femdom if you praise them. Just don’t forget the lube!
9 Dirty Talk
Not really dirty, but it is hella sexy. Dirty talk in regard to gentle femdom consists of lots of praise and words of affirmation. There can be a hint of gentle filth every now and then to keep the mood heated. But it’s optional, focusing more on being affectionate and caring.
Some examples of phrases you can say as you practice gentle femdom include:
- I love you, baby
- You’re amazing
- You definitely deserve [state reward]
- You know just where to touch me
- Prove to me why you deserve [their desire]
- You’re such a good boy/girl for me
- Beg for it
- I bet you’re having fun with me
10 Sexual Rewards
When your submissive is consistent in obeying and being a good doll for you, they deserve some good treatment in return. Or in other words, granting them sexual rewards.
Some examples of such include:
- Letting them eat you out or finger you
- Give them a handjob
- Stroke specific erogenous zones of theirs
- Having sex somewhere they want
- Watch you masturbate
- Let them masturbate
- Uncuff or untie them
- Letting them have sex with you
However, aside from these examples, hearing what they want is the best way to reward them. Hence, communication continues to be important here.
11 Teasing and Denial
Another way to view this idea is to edge your partner, wherein you won’t give in that easily. But also not be sadistic about it and eventually hear them out. You’d never go too crazy. You can still throw a little punishment in between if they don’t obey. Yet of course, that’s if they dare to even if it’s all soft and gentle. Edging them can be through your own ministrations or sex toys.
Aside from edging, you can control whether or not they get to touch himself. Using toys like chastity belts and cock cages is a smart idea, but for a more gentler approach, you won’t let them wear them for too long. But at least it sets the idea that you’re in charge of them.
12 Pursue your personal desires.
Aside from these ideas we’ve shared, understand that the key idea of gentle femdom is to be caring and nurturing. Take this chance to reflect on what actions bring out your softer side to your submissive partner, may it be sexual or non-sexual. And don’t forget consent!
Tips For Safe Practicing of Gentle Femdom
By this time, you have a clearer on what gentle femdom is and what possible activities you’d personally want to try with your partner. But before getting down and dirty, dive into these important tips that guarantee your overall safety and protection.
1 Have an in-depth discussion about it.
Communication is key to everything, even more so when something that is deemed as intense and bold, like BDSM, is on the table. So when either one of you is eager to bring up gentle femdom, it should be discussed deeply and with an open mind all throughout.
Don’t have any prior judgments about it, as it can cloud your overall opinion and make you more close-minded around your partner and vice versa. Communicating freely lessens the chances of misunderstandings and fosters a safe environment in which to express your thoughts and ideas to each other.
2 State your boundaries, expectations, and needs.
Talking about those things allows you to be on the page with your partner, holding no secrets from each other. In any BDSM-like activity, full transparency is of the highest importance. Hence, breaking down all the kinds of activities you’re okay with must be shared, alongside your own limits and what you want to get from each session of gentle femdom.
3 Get each other’s enthusiastic and verbal consent.
Consent is a core factor in BDSM, and even more so in gentle femdom. Whatever activity you and your partner share mutual consent to, those are the only ones you should do. There should be no one-sided activities and hidden motives, as they can break your trust. Plus, consent (overall and/or in certain activities) shouldn’t be forced. Giving consent should mean that you are excited and thrilled to explore something new with each other, even if it’s something you’ve both done before. Mutual consent = mutual respect.
Another thing to consider here is the state in which you give consent. Aside from being enthusiastic and optimistic, you must be sober. To be in a state of mind where you can properly make better-informed decisions. Giving consent under the influence shouldn’t count as it can be dangerous both in the moment and in the long run. Moreover, consent can be taken back if someone has a change of mind. And for that, it should be respected.
4 Have a safe word.
Since gentle femdom falls under BDSM, establishing a safe word or a system (e.g., the traffic light system) allows any of the active participants to pause or stop the session. This extra layer of protection strengthens the connection and trust between participants, ensuring that nobody goes extreme.
Even if it’s quite unlikely for one to get hurt when doing gentle femdom, they can get overwhelmed or culture-shocked by it. Especially if they’ve never done BDSM before, hence having a safe word/system set in store can keep things running smoothly.
But aside from using verbal words, safe words can be safety signals if you’re doing acts involving your mouth being shut. It can be a tap on the shoulder or thigh. Just ensure that everything is discussed and finalized before doing anything.
6 Move at your pace.
Some of us can be more advanced in BDSM, while others are still starting out and figuring out what works for them. In other words, start out slow when you explore gentle femdom. That way, the transition into doing this practice feels smooth, and you can naturally engage in more moderate activities without fuss. You also won’t feel as surprised or taken aback when things start escalating and getting spicier.
Moreover, there’s more emphasis on teasing and being playful before taking things up a notch. The teasing itself is already a part of gentle femdom. Other than that, moving at your own pace teaches patience as you both adapt to the practice and feel more at ease.
Takeaway
Gentle femdom shows that showing power and control over another consenting person doesn’t always have to be harsh and degrading. It can be practiced through sexual or non-sexual ways, depending on the couple’s preferences. As long as it’s discussed thoroughly and boundaries are set in stone, you and your partner can have great experiences with it and even grow together as a couple and individually. So, if you’re looking for a lighter way to practice BDSM, this practice is for you!
For more BDSM-related articles such as this one, check us out on the Lauvblog here.
