14 Active Ways on How To Be Confident in Bed

Teaching yourself how to be more confident in bed may seem challenging and intimidating. But it plays an important role if you want to unlock amazing sexcapades. In fact, having such confidence is how you actually get into the bedroom in the first place! 

There are varying reasons behind why people don’t feel so optimistic around sex. It can be from insecurities, big life changes, negative sexual experiences, and many more. However, being able to face them head-on at your pace can courageously and inevitably bring you to a better state of mind. As a result, you’ll have a better relationship with yourself and your sexual side.

In this guide, we’ll discuss just how to be more confident in bed and embrace your sexual side a lot more.

Why Confidence in Bed is Important

Confidence can take you so far in life, including sex. Unravel what it means to be confident in bed through this essential section.

1 You know your limits and boundaries better.

Confidence is built when you have a strong sense of identity. You know what you like and don’t like in your life. Focusing on the latter, those would help you cultivate and establish boundaries better because you’re keen on protecting yourself and straying away from trouble.

2 You become less tense.

Having less tension in your body can impact you both physically and mentally. In terms of the physical aspect, your muscles become more relaxed. Hence, they can prepare right for what’s to come. You’ll also be able to move more as no stiffness halts your range of motion.

As for the mental aspect, you’ll feel more at peace and your thoughts won’t meddle with you. Having a clear and calm mind helps you think better and process what’s happening in the present. As a result, you’re more aware and attuned to the now rather than attaching yourself to negative thoughts or patterns.

3 It spices up the mood.

Knowledge is power, and that extends to the bedroom! By having a concrete idea of what ignites arousal and sensuality out of each other, you’ll be able to connect more and have more control over how things pan out. Plus, you take each session as a learning avenue wherein whatever you gain, you apply in the next sexcapade.

So expect that each time you have sex, there’s always a highlight neither of you will forget.

4 Your view on sex shifts.

For a lot of people, they feel shame and guilt at the thought of sex. It can be something ingrained or taught, which can really stick with them as they age. But through slowly learning how to be confident in bed when they are ready for that big step, they understand further that having sex is normal, a part of life! There’s nothing to be ashamed no matter what kind of conservative culture or strict upbringing tries to debunk that.

5 The way you view yourself changes for good.

For most of us, having low confidence in engaging in the deed isn’t only due to having fear or anxiety about our performance. It can be due to our body image, the way we look at our body. As society continues to dictate what attributes are deemed beautiful and we reject our own traits or we experience life-changing shifts, we develop a 50/50 relationship with our bodies. We can either be fully satisfied or we keep pointing out our flaws. Hence, general confidence is a building block in developing self-love.

When we have that, confidence in the bedroom follows after as we feel more at ease and powerful in navigating how things will run. 

Tips on How to Be Confident in Bed

Gain a clearer idea (or ideas) on how to improve your approach on your sexual urges through this enlightening section. This list follows no order, so take whichever resonate your situation the most!

1 Have a curious and open mind.

It’s possible that people feel sexual shame to the point they close off in unraveling how their body works and what turns them on. But shifting that guilt mindset into a curious one can make a difference. Yes, we understand that developing this kind of mindset can take some time, but it’s what will connect you to your sexual side the most when you put in the work.

Curiosity can start through researching about basic sexual wellness or gaining input about sex from close companions. From there, openness caves in as you understand there’s still so much to learn beyond what you already know and that sex is, well, normal! Plus, there’s room for personal growth when you invite this topic into your life rather than rejecting it completely. 

2 Learn about your sexual interests.

Bestie, only you know yourself well. And as we shared in the previous point, curiosity is key to being more acquainted with your sexual self.

What turns you on? What gets you wet/hard in no time? How far do you want to explore when it comes to sex? What would you love to try next with your partner? What do you want less of?

There are so many sexual interests out there that one can check out. From numerous kinks, roleplay, sexting, making a sex tape, and many more, you’re bound to get into at least one of them. And when you do, take it one step at a time. Go at your own pace as you explore them. Don’t force yourself to go beyond what’s comfortable; respect and honor your set boundaries!

3 Improve your communication skills.

This step is especially important once you figure out what your sexual interests are. You shouldn’t keep them to yourself. Otherwise, your partner won’t be able to please you how you wish. Communicating with your partner allows your partner to know you better and discuss what is okay and not okay in sex. It also prevents any conflict from happening.

You both establish clearer boundaries and limits in the process too, avoiding going overboard or crossing the line. At the same time, there’s no mind-reading and guessing; you both know what the other person likes during sex. That brings a sense of comfort and calmness that the sex is going to be more satisfying.

Better communication in a relationship means having a better bond and connection with one another, which can then transition to better, more mind-blowing sex.

4 Channel a different character.

If Beyonce had Sasha Fierce, who helped her become the confident performer she is, brainstorm an alter ego that is an expert on how to be confident in bed. Think about the traits of this alter ego, their routine, and how they present themselves. Having an alter ego can train you to be in your desired state until you slowly and eventually embody that persona.

5 Dress the part.

How you dress can say a lot about you and also bring a lot of confidence when you like what you’re wearing. And by liking it, it depends on the vibe you’re trying to set. Whether you’re aiming for a style that’s put together, balanced, classy, or sexy, achieving your desired look can impact your overall mood.  

In this case, being confident in bed, you want a sultry look. Sultriness can be embodied through revealing clothing like lingerie, plunging necklines, backless tops, and slitted dresses. 

So if you’re gonna have sex, dressing the part to your sensual liking is already one step into oozing confidence. For example, you like wearing lingerie so you wear your favorite set underneath an unsuspecting yet gorgeous dress for that surprise factor.

6 Play mood-making music.

The right music can uplift you when you need it within those few minutes. Sex is no exception, most especially if you curate a special playlist just for it. Go for slow yet meaningful songs, especially in the RnB genre that can subtly imply and hint of sex.

Bonus points to you if you involve your partner in creating this sex-curated playlist!

7 Dim the lights.

You can never go wrong with this tip! Dimming the lights removes any nerves or pressure as lights stimulate you. So in return, you become calmer, making it easier to focus on your partner. Not just that, dimmed lights add a more sensual vibe to your sexcapade. Everything else around you fades. You naturally become more present as you and your partner become intimate and close to one another.

Aside from this, dimming the lights is a big help for anyone with body insecurities. Call this a short segue to the next section!

With the lights on, you see your body more, and it may make you feel self-conscious when you’re with another person. However, under dimmed lights, you’re more prone to focus on your partner. From there, you’re rooted in making each other feel good through physical touch and subtle eye contact without spectating each other’s bodies for too long. 

8 Attend to any body issues you have.

As mentioned earlier, one’s confidence in the bedroom is affected by how one views one’s body. Body image can affect one’s overall confidence, not just in bed.

Whether those issues are big or small, you must prioritize them. Not doing so will only make you more uncomfortable and lead you to a poorer view of yourself. You’ll be a lot harder on and unsatisfied with yourself. And if you can’t be confident in yourself, you can’t be confident around a partner when you’re in private.

Hims highlights some examples of body issues that revolve around weight (under, over, or obese), being bullied by those around you, and whatever society puts out there as “beautiful” such as having a smaller set of breasts. Performance-related anxieties also count as body issues as it’s focused on the sexual aspect of your body.

Taking action on these issues will improve your self-image and boost your self-esteem over time. For example, eating the proper foods that nourish your body while balancing it rightfully with your cravings can help with your weight. Wearing clothes that fit you well can also make a difference. As for bullies, you can stand up to them in public or block them on social media if it’s all online.

9 Point out the things you appreciate about your body.

This tip goes well after the previous tip. That way, it can bring you closer to having a better relationship with how we view our bodies. Whether it be love or neutrality, appreciating what you have is powerful in shifting your self-image.

Find an aspect of your body, physical or mental, that you feel insecure towards. Then ponder on how they work for you rather than how they look. 

For example, you appreciate your eyes because it allows you to see nature around you or read fantastic erotica books. You also appreciate your ears because they give you access to sensual guided masturbation audios. You appreciate your legs because they can take you to all sorts of places and even keep you stable during standing sex!

10 Fix the way you speak to and about yourself.

Listen: your mind doesn’t know if the words you tell yourself are good or bad. So it’ll keep repeating and reminding you about it as it’s what builds your identity.

Reframing any aspects of yourself that you find negative into positive can impact how you view and speak to yourself. Instead of going, “I’m bad at oral,” try to view it like, “I’m still learning how to be a giver in bed. The more I practice, the better I get at it.”

Think of that scene from Inside Out 2, wherein saying good things about yourself and repeating it powerfully affirms you.

11 Understand the role of culture.

Different cultures have mixed views on beauty. For a lot of us, we can learn that being skinny makes you worthy and fatphobia and colorism are prominent. The latter is especially common in the Philippines with the whole pale skin vs morena skin division. But aside from this example, figure out what other views and messages are spread throughout your culture that affect your self-image. From there, you detach from them so you can become a better version of yourself.

This tip is also applicable to sex. Varying cultures can view sex as something sensitive and conservative (especially for women) or something free and normal. So it’s important to observe how your culture views sex and choose which ones to keep and unlearn. And when you do, you’ll be able to embrace your sexual side freely and be more expressive in the bedroom.

12 Understand that perfection is a hoax.

Perfection doesn’t exist! We’re all human with flaws and can make mistakes. There’s no seamless route to gaining confidence in the bedroom, so this is the time to appreciate your growing pains and avoid setting unattainable expectations of yourself. We may just stress ourselves even more and invite more anxiety into our lives. Give yourself some compassion!

13 Do your own research.

Aside from this guide of ours, there are other resources out there that can prepare you for sex and teach you how to excel and be confident in it. From sexual wellness blogs such as ours, erotica in various forms (audio, visual, literary, etc.) to steamy online tutorials, there’s much to learn about sex everyday! And as a result, you’ll become a pro in learning how to be confident in bed!

14 Seek professional help.

Applying any of these tips and strategies on how to be confident in bed may be challenging to do alone, so consulting with a professional can help you make better, more sustainable progress in your confidence and unlearn bad patterns. For a more personal approach, you can seek individual therapy or couple’s therapy if you want to discuss this with your partner.

Takeaway

Learning how to be confident in bed requires a lot of unlearning and detaching from old beliefs and lessons acquired in life. Whether our situation involves tackling our body issues or any performance-related anxieties head-on, doing so improves our confidence step by step. And mind you, there’s no rush into this. It’s no overnight feat to unlearn the negative and learn what’s right, so we advise you to be patient and graceful with yourself.

We wish you good luck on this self-healing journey, dear reader!