How to Top: 15 Ways To Give Your Bottom a Good Time

So you want to learn how to top in bed but don’t know where to start? Well, you stumbled on the right guide! And trust us, we’ll ensure that you have a good learning experience where your progress won’t betray you.

In this article, we’ll discuss the basics of how to top and prepare for such a session beforehand.

What does it mean to be on top?

Masterclass generally defines top as “a person who performs penetration during sexual intercourse, especially during anal sex.” 

They’re the ones who take charge, the ones who are also physically on top of their partner as they initiate pleasurable stimulation and movement. This term is widely known in the LGBTQ+ community between two homosexual men as they have sex. But over time, it’s become more inclusive with its counterpart “bottom” as other people with varying sexual orientations or gender identities use them.

To be a top can be a type of mindset or behavior wherein you’re more likely to enjoy taking charge more when engaging in sexual activities. You’re also keen on initiating the first move, spicing things up as your other partner, the bottom, follows your lead.

This term can also apply in BDSM, wherein being on top is the dominant one in the dynamic. Or if we are to be physical, being on top is particular to your position, wherein you’re the one hovering over your partner during the deed.

Steps on How to Top

Ready to get into the good part? Here’s a 15-step guide on how to top successfully and safely.

1 Set the mood.

This tip is crucial if you want to learn how to top. It’s what ensures a good time ahead with your partner before anything else and sets the proper emotions in stone. And luckily for you, there are many ways to set the mood. 

You can start off with a good homemade meal or takeout with your partner, talking about your respective days. Have a bit of wine in there, too, but at a limit that won’t get you both intoxicated. Afterward, you can cuddle with your favorite music in the background. Maybe light some scented candles, too, while the lights are dimmed so you’re more focused on them. Whatever actions you and your partner/s do that ignite affection, intimacy, and romance, take your time with them. Be deep in the zone with each other.

This tip can also be done even before you’re together through steamy texts and/or exchanging suggestive content of each other virtually. 

2 Maximize foreplay.

As the steamy mood between you and your partner is finally set, it’s time to take it up a notch. And that can be accomplished by foreplay, wherein more physical action and affection occur. But also with strong hints of emotional connection and intimacy. 

Also by this time, you’re also in the bedroom. That way, it’s easier to transition as you go along your journey on how to top.

Foreplay can come in the form of making out, oral sex (cunnilingus and fellatio), giving a sensual massage, dirty talk, and many more. These activities are what ignite arousal and sexual tension between you and your partner/s before really getting down and dirty.

3 Start slow.

Once you’re more aroused, you’re ready to top. Whether it be from behind for backdoor play or above them in a missionary position, out of the other possible ways to top, always begin with a slow pace. Nothing good comes from rushing things, only removing the pending excitement in return. You must delay the gratification and satisfaction first to prolong the tension and create a more heated atmosphere between each other.

4 Explore different positions.

When you become more experienced along your journey on how to top, it only feels right to try a new position outside the usual positions you’ve done. Lucky for you, the list of fresh and new sex positions is neverending. It’s all about trial and error, observing what works with your bodies and how comfortable you feel. It’s also a chance to listen to your partners’ suggestions, which is their way of having an active role in a predominantly passive role as a bottom.

And sometimes, the best positions can be when a top is on the bottom, yet they’re still in control of how their bottom moves above them.

5 Add some sex toys.

Sex toys can unlock new sensations that your bodies have never felt before. They can also deepen the relationship you have with your partner, and can accommodate various body parts too. As you venture through this journey on how to top, maybe a cock ring or couple vibrator before sliding in your partner would increase the satisfaction between you two. Or placing an anal plug before taking it from behind can allow your partner’s rear area to relax and ease into the sexual mood.

Ensure to clean them before and after usage. And to get started on this journey, you can always check our site here for numerous options to choose from.

6 Venture various erogenous zones.

Alongside penetration, doing this tip alongside penetration can heighten the sensitivity and mood between your partner. While you thrust inside them, your fingers can trail over their breasts, or your teeth can nip their neck. There are many ways on how this can go, but studying each other’s erogenous zones can maximize your physical touch as you do the deed.

7 Incorporate dirty talk.

While all these steamy actions are taking place, put your mouth to work as you thrive in learning how to top. Tell them how good they feel around you or how hard/wet they are as you please them. Touch them generously as well as you say to them the filthiest words you can think of. All with proper respect and boundaries set in stone.

8 Try out different kinks.

This tip allows our freedom and creativity to come to life, celebrating what sparks our interest. It also makes one more open-minded to exploring new things and mentally healthy. Some examples of kinks to add in the bedroom are praise, degradation, corruption, and breeding.

9 Pay close attention to your partner.

As a top, you are responsible for taking care of your bottom. It’s also the same for the bottom to be aware of their limitations and have a keen eye on their top. It’s a mutual relationship. Hence, it’s crucial to be on the same page with each other all throughout the experience/s. Observe their body language and ask them how they’re doing in between your sexcapades. Check-in with them if they want to take a break, slow things down, continue on, or stop momentarily.

10 Change up the pace.

As mentioned earlier, starting slow when you’re learning how to top is important. But once your bodies are fully adjusted, don’t be afraid to vary the speed of your penetration. Like yes, be gentle regardless. But be open to alternating the speed to make things more exciting for both of you. Eventually, you and your partner/s would find the ideal pace/s when you’re getting all hot and heated.

11 Have sex in different locations.

When the bedroom feels repetitive, why not take it elsewhere? In learning how to top, you also learn how to adjust to different yet safe places to have sex in. It’s a bonding experience in itself as you uncover new sides of yourself and your partner that can make you go, “Oh, so you find thrill in having sex and taking charge at a [safe location]?”

Plus, the air is different. You’re more likely to act in a way that can only be felt in that certain location.

If you’re eager to up the anty outside the bedroom, here are some suggestions of places and sex positions to do in them:

• Shower
• Bathtub
• Kitchen
• Couch
• Discreet Public Spots (act accordingly and responsibly!)

12 Be flexible.

Take turns with being top and bottom. Also, don’t be too fixed on using labels such as top and bottom. Be open to experimenting and exploring.

13 Use lube.

An essential! Lube makes every kind of sexual experience more fluid and smoother for the parties involved. Especially if you’re taking it in the back, where there’s no natural wetness produced, it can make the receiver comfortable as their top pleasures them. But even if there’s a vulva owner involved, using lube alongside their natural wetness amplifies the experience.

14 Don’t be too hung up on reaching an orgasm.

Sex is more than reaching that o’. Enjoy the journey of making you and your partner feel good in bed. It also helps to take mental notes throughout your learning journey on improving to being a better top. 

15 Practice proper aftercare.

From reaching your orgasms and catching a breather as you lay beside your partner, don’t end the experience as is. It can feel lazy to do anything else, but out of respect and decency, practicing proper aftercare allows you to ease back into the present after such penetration and action. It’s also a way to look after each other and strengthen your intimacy and bond.

Safety Tips Before Embarking on How to Top

Before you can fully get into action, we have a few key safety tips to remember along your journey on how to top.

1 Be in constant communication with your partner.

This tip on how to top must not go unnoticed. In fact, it’s the first thing you should do before initiating anything. As you and your partner sit down and discuss your needs and desires, it’s important to point out your personal boundaries and limitations. Don’t want to be fingered before shoving it in? Would you prefer positions in the bedroom only? Are there sex toys that are a no-no in the meantime?

In line with limitations, if you have sexual performance anxiety as the person on top, let your partner know. That way, you can receive support from each other as you both take your time in understanding each other’s pleasure.

And before we forget, consent is also important and must be given between the parties involved.

2 Be patient with yourself.

Learning how to top isn’t an overnight feat. It takes time to improve as you explore new activities and aspects of yourself. Even the most experienced tops were beginners too. And simultaneously, you must be attuned to your partners’ needs. We all start somewhere, so taking each session to be on top as a building block to being the best top you can be is important.

And with being patient with yourself, it’s also an opportunity to celebrate your small wins. Whether it be able to physically hover your partner for a long time during sex or make them come by sucking their boobs, a win is a win.

3 Exercise is key.

Tops need a lot of strength and stamina to last as long as they can in bed, especially when they’re physically in charge of giving a lot of pleasure to their partner. Thus, working out can improve their shape and form, which can change their routine on how to top massively. It can range from low, moderate, to high-impact exercises. If you’re a beginner, start with low-impact exercises like going for a walk, yoga, or resistance training. Once your body adjusts to such shifts, you can slowly increase your level of exercise to a higher one. Examples of such include cardio, running, or even weightlifting.

4 Eat and hydrate well.

This safety tip on how to top is in line with the previous tip. As strength and stamina are important factors, how you nourish yourself also plays a key part. Thus, eating the proper food, from protein, vegetables, and more whole foods, can provide you with enough energy to last long in bed. And as for water, it further alerts and fuels your entire body. It also keeps your blood level at bay and digests your food properly.

Ensure to rehydrate during sex and have a good meal after it too!

5 Shower ahead of time.

Proper hygiene at its finest. Before even setting the mood or getting all touchy with your partner, take a good, warm shower. It allows your body to release any tension and gives you enough alone time to prepare for the private session ahead. Also, it feels good, especially when you had a long day prior, and your body needs that momentary relief before completely unwinding.

6 Go to the bathroom beforehand.

If you gotta go, you gotta go. 

Don’t wait until the last minute or hold it in until later. And by it, you may have a few ideas of what they can be. Especially if you’re engaging in anal sex, regardless of sexual orientation, we would want to lessen or avoid any natural accidents from happening. Douching can also help decrease the occurrences of such natural accidents.

If you’re interested in getting your own douche, check out this link here for options.

7 Trim your nails!

This safety tip is often forgotten before someone fully learns how to top. Trimming is key if fingering or finger anal play is included in your routine if you don’t want your internal body parts to get scratched.

8 Use protection.

This tip is out of responsibility and respect for the parties involved, regardless of what kind of sexual deed they do. It also prevents those involved from contracting STDs, a pregnancy scare, or even an unexpected pregnancy.

Takeaway

Learning how to top takes time and effort to excel in. There may be fun and thrill in taking charge, but you hold a lot of responsibility in ensuring you and everyone else involved have a sage and fun experience. Feeling nervous is also a part of the process, but the more you trust in yourself and practice, the more attuned and confident you’ll feel as a top.