Ruined Orgasm 101: Best Tips & Tricks for Newbies

Some of you probably experienced a ruined orgasm at some point in your life.

Here’s a scenario: You’re masturbating in your bedroom, close to reaching climax. Suddenly, your phone rings, your sibling starts knocking on the door, a delivery courier is calling out your name from the gate, or the sex toy you’re using just died out of nowhere. You orgasmed, but you weren’t able to enjoy it since you had to attend to whatever had distracted you from the deed.

Sounds frustrating, right? That’s not the case for some people— they even enjoy it.

Yes, some people enjoy spoiling their own or their partner’s sexual satisfaction. It’s called a ruined orgasm.

It’s not as popular as other unconventional sexual acts like threesomes or impact play. Thus, most people often misunderstand what a ruined orgasm is all about. In this guide, we’ll walk you through the basics of this sexual activity and tips when giving or receiving it.

What is a Ruined Orgasm?

A ruined orgasm is a sexual activity under BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism). It involves the dominant teasing and pleasing the submissive but then denies them of experiencing a satisfying orgasm. It’s up to the dominant how they’ll tease the submissive, but here’s an example to give you an idea of how it works:

The male dominant ties up the female submissive in bed using bed restraints. After that, he uses a tip vibrator to please her body. After a few minutes of building anticipation, the dom then steadily puts the vibrating tip into her clitoris, watching her squirm and shake with pleasure. As she reached the peak of her orgasm, he turned off the vibrator. He just lets her lie in there, still cuffed.

Basically, the submissive still reaches an orgasm, but since they’re being disrupted by the dominant, they can’t fully feel those euphoric sensations. It’s like bracing for a big sneeze, but it was not as big as you expected. It still happened, but there was some sense of dissatisfaction.

Is It the Same as Edging?

People often mix up ‘ruined orgasm’ and ‘edging,’ but they’re not the same.

Yes, they both involve building anticipation and then disrupting right as the climax hits, but in edging, the submissive gets disrupted right before they orgasm. They don’t orgasm at all. They will then restart from the beginning and build anticipation, and as the sub reaches an orgasm, they stop again. They keep on doing this until the submissive can’t hold it anymore, releasing an incredibly intense orgasm.

Meanwhile, a person who has their orgasm ruined still gets off, but they don’t feel the satisfaction at all. Now, there are some ruined orgasm sessions where the dom stops the sub from orgasming, but instead of teasing them again (like the dom would do in an edging session), they usually move on to the next activity or stop the sesh, keeping their sub dissatisfied.

Why Some People Enjoy It

There isn’t a clear-cut reason why someone would enjoy giving or receiving a ruined orgasm. Like with other kinks and fetishes, people may have prior experiences or interests that have triggered the desire to do it.

However, there are a few theories. For dominants, ruining their submissive’s climax makes them feel powerful. Knowing that they have a full say on when their submissive can cum gives them some sexual satisfaction.

As for the subs, most of them engage in these kinds of activities because they love the lack of control on their end. They get off from feeling helpless. Some of them tend to be decision-makers in the real world, which brings them tremendous stress. Becoming a submissive lets them get loose since the dom has everything under their control. Less thinking, more feeling.

Is It Safe?

This activity is pretty low-risk, but like with other sexual activities, make sure to strictly follow safe sex practices for good measure. This includes the following:

• Using birth control methods, like condoms.
• Not sharing sex toys or doing double dipping— it’s when a sex toy goes from butt to vagina, and vice versa, without deep cleaning it.
• Having a safeword; it’s a word or signal used by participants to communicate that they want to pause or stop the sexual activity immediately. The word shouldn’t be something that would come naturally during the deed. Examples: pineapple, fried chicken, code red, bananas, purple, pizza shop, purple.
• Getting an STI test first, especially if this is a casual encounter or hookup.

Tips When Giving or Receiving Ruined Orgasm

Okay, so you’re interested in ruined orgasms… Great for you for expanding your erotic horizons! As with any new experience, expect some mishaps along the way. That said, below are some tips that you can use to try to keep your climax-ruining sessions fun and safe.

1Communicate with your partner first.

This is the first thing you need to do. No buts, no ifs. You can’t just surprise your partner with cuffs and start denying their orgasms or tell them you’re interested in ruined orgasms right before you hop into the bed— informed consent is mandatory when venturing into new sexual activities.

Just start with an open conversation with them about your desire to try this sexual act. You can share this article or other resources, helping them figure out what a spoiled orgasm is all about. After sharing some insights, give them time to think about it.

They want to try it out? Great! You can start planning the deed; more on this in the next tip.

If your partner is still on the fence about it, don’t guilt-trip them into saying yes or shoving a bunch of erotic videos or articles about the deed. Only share those extra resources and videos if they ask for them. The only thing you can do at this point is wait.

Your partner doesn’t want to try it at all? You must respect their decision. Some people don’t like venturing into kinks and fetishes. If you consider that a deal-breaker, you might need to talk heart-to-heart with your partner. You can also try out other unconventional sexual activities that your partner likes, like roleplaying or pegging.

2Plan out some ground rules.

Once you’ve got the green light from your partner, it’s time for a chat about expectations and boundaries. This is where you lay down the ground rules and ensure you’re both on the same page.

Talk about the kind of activities you’re both comfortable with, whether it’s using sex toys, trying new positions, or exploring different sensations. It’s all about open communication and respecting everyone’s desires and limits.

3Build anticipation outside the bedroom.

Teasing is often reserved for the bedroom, but a little pre-game teasing outside can add some extra spice. Why wait until you’re behind closed doors? A subtle tease here and there throughout the day can build anticipation and leave both of you craving more when you finally get some alone time.

You can send a sizzling text, surprise them with a naughty photo, or when you can lightly caress their sensitive spots while you’re on a date. Proceed acting normally once you feel they’re turned on, amping up the sexual frustration.

4Spice it up with ropes, restraints, vibrators, and other sex toys.

Do you know what could make your ruined orgasm session extra hot? By tying your submissive— watch them squirm and twitch as you tease their body. That said, we recommend investing in a bunch of sex toys. You can use handcuffs, hogties, bed restraints, mouth gags, and eye masks to restrain your partner, giving you more control during the play. You can then use vibrators, clit suckers, cock rings, ticklers, whips, dildos, and other love toys to tease their body.

5Keep on researching and experimenting!

You’re already reading this beginner’s guide, which is a step in the right direction. But make sure to research more, like watching videos of professional doms and subs who have more information about the nuances and power dynamics of a ruined orgasm. You can also elevate the deed by mixing this activity with roleplaying, pegging, rusty trombone, figging, and other kinks.

Recommended Toys

Are you planning to upgrade your climax-ruining sessions, or are you just curious about what toys would work on this kink? Below are some of our top suggestions. You can also check this page for more love toys.

1Domm Under-Mattress Restraint Bedcuffs Set

Turn your regular bed into a kinky playground with this bed restraint set! It’s perfect for beginners, featuring easy-to-install closures, adjustable straps, and Velcro cuffs. It’s light and works with any mattress size, so you can easily bring it on your trips.

 

2Bondage Rope

Planning to tie your submissive for your ruined orgasm sesh? Consider these durable and versatile bondage ropes. They’re made with nylon and cotton, making them gentle and safe for the skin. It’s also easy to cut in case of an emergency.

 

3Satisfyer Teaser

True to its name, the Satisfyer Teaser is perfect for teasing your partner’s body. You wear it at the tip of your finger, press the control button, and send the deep vibrations to your partner’s hottest spots. Watch them struggle to keep it together as you continue giving them those blissful vibrations.

 

4Air Cannon Ball Gag

Your naughty submissive’s already tied up, but you want to take it up a notch? Consider gagging them (with their informed consent) with the Air Cannon Ball Gag. Once placed in your partner’s mount, it’ll be difficult for them to speak or even moan during the deed. The gag comes with air holes, and the strap is lined with foam, ensuring comfort and safety.

 

5Svakom Benedict Cock Ring

A cock ring restricts blood flow from coming out of your partner’s penis, prolonging their erection. That’s why some doms use a cock ring when they’re trying to deny or ruin their male sub’s orgasm.

Now, if a cock ring is something you would want to use during your kinky sesh, consider the Svakom Benedict Cock Ring. Not only it prolongs your partner’s erection, but it also comes with vibrations that massage their perineum and penis, pleasing them to the core— ruining their orgasms while wearing this toy will be pretty intense.

 

6Fifty Shades of Grey – Sweet Anticipation Restraint Bar with Cuffs

Keep your submissive’s legs wide open with this luxury spreader bar. Endorsed by the author of Fifty Shades of Grey, E.L. James, this restraint bar with cuffs can be used for the wrists or ankles, giving you different ways to tease your partner. The cuffs have a reversible design and adjustable buckles, making them great for newbies and experts. There’s also an included satin bag for easy storage.

 

7Lovense Gush App-Controlled Masturbator

Another great sex toy to play with your naughty sub is this bestselling stroker from Lovense. It has an adjustable design and silicone band, ensuring optimal fit for your partner’s hard-on. The band can also amp up the tightness, making it more difficult for your partner to get that sweet release.

It has 7 standard vibration modes, but you can get more once paired in the Lovense Remote App. The app also has modes you and your sub might want to explore, such as long-distance control, music sync, sound-activated vibrations, and more.

 

8Rock-a-Bod Over The Door Sex Swing

Imagine your helpless sub suspended by the door, with their legs wide open. Meanwhile, you’re holding a magic wand massager, sending deep vibrations to your partner’s most pleasurable spots.

Do you like what you’re imagining? You can make it happen with the Rock-a-Bod Over-the-Door Sex Swing. It’s made with durable materials and can hold up to 150 kilograms. It can also fit any door and has adjustable straps.

 

Takeaway

Giving or experiencing a ruined orgasm can be exciting, but it requires a delicate balance of trust, communication, and consent between partners.

That said, take the time to establish clear boundaries, discuss desires openly, and always prioritize the safety and comfort of everyone involved. As we mentioned above, continue researching this kink and make sure your partner is fully in the know before trying it out. Good luck!