Sex on the First Date: Yes or No?

Is having sex on the first date a good or bad thing?

Well, that depends on a lot of things. 

From your beliefs, upbringing, and even past dating experiences or tales from your friends, those factors can shape your answer. They can even change over time too as you age.

But from our perspective, there is no right answer. It all comes down to your dating approach and personal preferences. 

Regardless, we also think that knowing the pros and cons of engaging in sex on the first date is key here. So in this guide, we’re going to provide you with just that, along with some crucial tips to remember if you decide to have some post-date coitus.

Pros of Having Sex on the First Date

Let’s start off this guide with the various advantages of having sex on the first date for you and them here.

1 Sex is sex!

Generally, sex is a fun and thrilling thing to engage in. Even more so when you’re with a new person, thriving on the excitement of exploring them and knowing more about what sparks their sexual pleasure. And if you think about it, you’re almost evoking the same feelings of having sex for the first time in your life. So if the offer to have sex on the first date is open, especially when you two are having a great time, then go for it by all means!

2 You find out your sexual compatibility with them.

For some (or maybe a lot) of people, sex plays a huge part in their life and when looking for a suitable partner. They’d look for someone with whom they have high sexual compatibility. In other terms, they can match their sexual interests, from turn-ons, fantasies, boundaries, and even long-term goals. Or in a more slang take, they want to find someone who can match their freak as Tinashe once said. 

And when they do come across someone who resonates with their preferences, the more likely they’ll continue the relationship. Moreover, it’s best to find out a probably couple’s sexual compatibility early on. Hence, having sex on the first date is one great idea to find that out.

3 You’ll be able to filter out any low-potential dating candidates.

This pro may work hand-in-hand with the previous pro. 

For instance, if you weren’t connecting well with them in the sex department on the first date, wherein it merely felt like bodies grinding against one another, then it’s a no for you. And it all happened so quickly too, allowing you to proceed to the next date or candidate.

Having sex on the first date on every date you go to can already give you the early swipe left or right on them. That automatic choice between yes or no to seeing them further. Just don’t ghost them — be honest with them about how things are feeling for you and mutually end things.

4 It eases you away from any pressure.

When you’re on a date with someone, the topic of sex is something you and they usually feel shy to bring up. Neither of you wants to come off as sex-hungry or any other description under that umbrella. Plus, shying away from such a topic makes you pretend to be a different person just for them. You don’t feel authentic to them. However, once you or they bring up it, any nerves present simmer down, and eventually get to talk about it in depth. Even share some laughs in the process. 

It’s still just sex after all, and you want it to be a great experience for the both of you.

5 It’s possible to bring you guys closer.

This pro is especially great when you and your date hit it off right away mid-date.

When either one of you suggests having sex as a way to know more about each other, everything that follows just feels right. Not just that, it also paves the way for emotional intimacy, especially when oxytocin is released, which is good to experience right away to strengthen your bond. Emotional intimacy, also a part of sexual compatibility, can be sparked from the pillow talk you both share or how you take care of each other post-sex, aka aftercare.

6 It’s one way to step outside your comfort zone.

If you’ve never tried having sex on the first date, and they’re a blast to be around, why not switch things up? It’s a way to unlock more of your sexual side and spice things up every now and then. Just ensure to talk things out beforehand with this date, see if they’re on board, and give their consent. And that they don’t hold any hidden intentions that may hurt you.

7 You’ll also learn more about them.

When you ask them about having sex on the first date, how do they react? Were they a bit taken aback or open about it? Then when you both decide to have sex, how do they treat you? Are they gentle and careful? Do they talk to you with respect about your needs and wants?

Then when things end, how do they take care of you? Do they offer you a glass of water or a wet towel to wipe any discharges? Is cuddling on the menu to unwind further?

These are just sample questions, but they are good in providing direction and clarity on how this person is when sex is on the table.

Cons of Having Sex on the First Date

Unravel the key disadvantages of having sex on the first date that may possibly spare you the emotional stress. Because spoiler, it’s not always a bed of roses with all types of sex.

1 It cuts the chase short.

Usually, sex is one of the final steps in confirming a relationship. 

Most people would only have sex after agreeing that they want to be exclusive and long-term. Or maybe if they decide that they want to get to know each other more after a few dates, sex is in the equation. What these two scenarios have in common is that there’s a chase — sex is an implied thing in the future, but they’d only do it when it feels right. 

However, having sex on the date disrupts that chase, the anticipation and tension that builds a strong desire for each other getting cut short. Such tension is what brings you two closer, to learn more about each other, to take your time and be patient in the unfolding of things.

2 There’s a chance that the sex can be bad.

Sometimes, no sex is just better than bad sex. But when you’ve been dry for too long, any kind of sex is better than nothing. So if you catch yourself craving for sex after the first date, we tend to have high expectations because you miss sex!  However, a lot of the time, the said sex doesn’t live up to such expectations. That’s because you have yet to find out what makes you or them feel good and vice versa. You’re still in the exploration stage, just like how you’re still getting to know each other.

However, that not-so-great sex can really be a turn-off for someone who is sexually frustrated, making them not want to see that person again.

3 It can be scandalous.

This con on having sex on the first date can heavily depend on your upbringing and culture. 

For example, Filipino dating culture is more on the conservative side, and courtship and dating can take years before marriage. Let alone sex if you’re religious, and sex is best known as part of the consummation process. Moreover, pre-marital sex is a no-no, and you can get shamed by firm believers.

So when you have the urge to want such sex, you also feel ashamed for having them because of those deeply-rooted beliefs. It stops you from trying something new, and it may lead you to even shame others who do this. Even the person you have a first date with, which can be a turn-off.

4 You can become emotionally attached.

Not everyone may have the same intentions as you when you decide to have sex on the first date. 

Maybe for you, you want something long-term but they want something casual. Yet you agree to have sex, only for it to be the only time when you really hit it off with them in that short time. Like to the point you want to be with them la la la. Thus, getting attached!

But alas, it’s not mutual.

Also imagine wanting a round 2 but they reject you. That sucks, and now you have to deal with the attachment and find ways to get detached. More work on your end, especially if you weren’t clear with each other beforehand on what kind of relationships you’re looking for.

5 Your judgment can get clouded.

By having sex on the first date, your mind can get foggy when it tries to identify any possible deal-breakers or red flags. Usually, a person won’t reveal all of their cards and true colors during the first date as they usually manifest the more you see them. Rushing things gives you a hazy perspective on them, wherein you may see them in a good light when really, you’re probably and unintentionally wearing rose-colored glasses around them. 

6 There are health risks involved.

Having sex on the first date, just when you’re getting to know the person, can put you at higher risk in terms of your health. Specifically, you may be prone to sexually transmitted infections or other harmful infections if they haven’t been clear with their sexual history beforehand. 

7 Stranger danger!

Now think about it: Any person you’re going on a first date with is still technically a stranger to you. You have yet to know more about who they are as a person and, eventually, their intentions with you regarding dating. The last thing you want to encounter is a potential sexual predator in sheep’s clothing.

Even if you are friends or met through mutual friends or are friends, the version of them as a potential partner is still foreign to you. So having sex on the first date may not be the best thing to do, no matter how much your body craves too. Please think of your safety here!

Preparation Tips When Having Sex on the First Date

If you’re someone who remains interested in having sex on the first date, read through this helpful list of tips before getting down and dirty!

1 Be open-minded.

This tip can go multiple ways. For one, there’s a chance that the sex can be amazing or below your expectations. The person you’re with may also engage in the deed in a different (but safe) way than you’re accustomed to, allowing you more knowledge of it and them. It’s also a chance for you to teach them how to make you feel good. You may even have sex in an unconventional place, like the bathroom, living room, etc., but do think this one through!

There’s really no formula to having sex on the first date, hence possibly going in many directions. However, you can teach each other what sends you pleasure and make it an enjoyable experience for both of you. Try not to stay in your comfort zone and try new things, but also prioritize your own safety and feel free to stop when necessary.

2 Get clear with your dating approach.

Are you dating to marry? Or going on dates to learn more about your type of person? Are you possibly dating casually, wherein it usually lasts for a short time without any deep commitments?

Knowing this makes it easier to know your intentions with this potential prospect. For example, if you’re dating to marry, you’d take this kind of sex as a test if you’re sexually compatible in the long run. Or if you’re dating casually, the sex can be a one-time thing.

3 Set boundaries.

In any kind of sex, boundaries are important to protect yourself from harm. 

When talking about sex on the first date, you have to make sure that you don’t get taken advantage of. Especially when you’re strangers, you must keep yourself safe before getting into the fun part. Some boundaries can look like not delving into crazy sexual fantasies (e.g., getting blindfolded), doing it in discreet public places (e.g., the backseat of their car), and having safe words.

When you know your boundaries, you must express them ahead of time — none of that mind-reading bs!

4 Get tested beforehand.

If you’re someone who’s been sexually active, it’s important to be responsible and check your status. Afterwards, be transparent with your date regarding your previous sexual histories and vice versa.

5 Stock up on protection.

You can’t assume that your date might have protection. Even more so when the decision to have sex on the first date is a spur-of-the-moment one. Come prepared before getting to come with them, from condoms and even taking hormonal birth control if you do.

6 Have a close companion track your location.

Bestie, you’re meeting a stranger for a date. Or even if you’ve been acquainted with them in the past, you gotta prioritize your safety just in case. Hence, you need someone to look out for you when you’re going on a first date, even from afar! That can be done through location tracking apps like Life360 or even Messenger, where you can send them your location.

Or in another more hands-on approach, they can secretly book a table near yours to watch over yours.

7 Don’t assume you’re together after having sex.

Easier said than done by some people, but having this assumption planted in your brain can spare you the possible emotional attachment. Usually, on the first date, you’re still getting to know each other. And chances are either one of you is seeing other people because well, you don’t have a firm label yet.

Takeaway

There’s no right answer on whether or not you should have sex on the first date. For one, it can depend on your upbringing and external surroundings, while eventually developing your dating approach and preferences. Thus, it’s okay to like and engage in it when given the chance. But it’s also okay to pass and either learn more about this person or perhaps not continue it if you’re incompatible with them.

If you’re interested in reading more sex or relationship-related guides, explore our numerous Lauvblog guides here!