Sex With My Best Friend: Open-Minded Yes or Hard Pass?

Is having sex with my best friend a good idea? Well, it depends.

Some people would go for it out of curiosity, wanting to try something different and adventurous. But with mutually good intentions, of course.

However, others wouldn’t consider it because it’s too risky and can make things awkward between them. It may even destroy the very foundation of their friendship! 

While both sides of the coin are valid, the answer varies per person. But if you want a clearer list of pros and cons, this guide can help you resolve that dilemma. We’ll also provide some tips to remember when you bravely choose to have sex with your best friend.

What’s the Good Side of Having Sex With My Best Friend?

Take a deeper look at the pros of having sex with your best friend here.

1 You already have history with one another.

There’s no need for the talking stage or getting to know each other because, well, you’ve known each other for a long time. It can be months to years worth of friendship, having witnessed various phases of one another. Thus, you know all this various information about one another, even the intimate secrets related to your sex lives. 

For example, you may know they’re into quickies while they know that you’re into being praised in the bedroom. There’s none of the awkwardness when it’s brought up. And if that’s the mood built up so far, it won’t be difficult to talk further about sex.

2 You can easily communicate with one another.

In line with the previous point!

Given your history and having developed your friendship over the years, you’ve gotten used to telling each other almost everything. From your most embarrassing stories to even your first times, the topic of sex between you two shouldn’t be an odd thing. Thus, opening up more about your sexual interests and no-nos should come effortlessly. Setting boundaries would also come naturally during your conversations to protect yourself and your friendship.

3 It’s convenient.

When you’re initiating sex with someone you met online, a stranger from a party, or even after a first date, it requires you to get to know them more and flirt around too. That way, it’ll feel safer, and it will break the ice as well. But then again, it’s a lot of work and effort.

With a best friend, however, you can skip all of that. You already have an established connection with one another, have good intentions, and know what they’re like as a person. Plus, it’s easier to set a schedule with them than a stranger because you’re familiar with aspects of their routine as best friends. Hence, creating plans is effortless for both of you. In fact, you can even make the sex a part of your hang-out to show that it’s really something casual (if that’s what you both want).

4 There’s less pressure.

You’re very much familiar with your best friend, witnessing each other’s highs and lows. Because of that, it naturally invites ease and comfort when doing big things together, including when having sex. You don’t have to pretend to be anyone else with them; you’re very much relaxed and confident in your skin. 

Thus, your body becomes less tense, and you can fully enjoy every pleasurable sensation they give you. You also become more present in the moment without any sudden worries or nerves hitting you. They’re your best friend, after all, one of the people you trust in.

To cap things off, you can even high-five after for a job well done. Just to keep the playfulness of your friendship alive.

5 There’s mutual respect.

Friendships stay strong and healthy by upholding mutual respect for one another. Without it, is there even a friendship? Having sex with your best friend guarantees that they’ll take care of you and still treat you right and vice versa. Another aspect of this is that they’ll respect the boundaries and limits you communicated beforehand to make the experience fun and safe for you. And vice versa! Whether it be related to your kinks and no-go zones, they’ll listen and cross out the ones you don’t like.

For example, they won’t go too hard on using crazy toys, like mouth gags or even handcuffs. They’ll also use condoms out of protection, as it’s something you both agreed on. 

6 You get to know them more.

In general, sex allows you to learn more things about a person and explore more about their sensual and kinky interests. So by having sex with a best friend, you gain access to new quirks and aspects of them that are only revealed in the bedroom. Like sure, they could’ve said something about those interests in passing, as a random topic brought up over a meal or when hanging out.

But now that you’re in a casual sex setting with them, only then would you see them apply those interests and more. For instance, you’d discover that your best friend is into giving impact play with their hand or even with a paddle.

What’s the Bad Side of Having Sex With My Best Friend?

Do keep in mind of these cons when you choose to do the deed with your best friend.

1 Things can get complicated.

And by complicated, one can gradually hold unrequited feelings for the other person. And by having sex, it becomes the closest they can ever be intimate with them. Quite a common tale at this point, even more so when the heartbreak of rejection seeps in.

Another way things can get complicated is not knowing where your friendship is headed. Can things be platonic with certain reservations? Will sex always be a given when you hang out? It can also confuse you and question the exact state of your friendship as you continue your friendship.

2 It can also make things awkward.

Sometimes, having sex with your best friend is the last thing you’d expect. Even more so if you both did it under the influence, wherein it can be so awkward to see each other naked in the same bed the following day. The same can go while sober, wherein even after doing the deed, just the idea of being together like that is weird and not worth a repeat.

With awkwardness, it’s often a hard obstacle to overcome. Whenever you look at them, you’d be reminded of you two doing the deed and cringe. As a result, you’d rather ignore them.

3 Your view of one another gets altered.

Imagine hanging out with one another only to have casual sex in return. Instead of viewing each other as friends, you’d both slowly transition into seeing them as someone you’d sleep with normally. Having sex with your best friend even once can blur the lines of your friendship, changing the dynamics and even seeing them more as a sex buddy than your best friend.

4 You can lose the friendship.

This con is the biggest risk at stake when you bravely choose to have sex with your best friend. Even if you have set your boundaries and become transparent with them regarding your intentions, things can suddenly change, and the lines between you two will become blurry. Along the way, you’d see yourself looking for them to answer all your sexual needs and vice versa. It’s all about sex rather than your friendship and the memories you’ve made prior. You may only seek for them for sex too, which defeats the purpose of being best friends.

5 It may potentially harm your future relationships.

Your future partner may not feel comfortable with the idea that you had sex with your best friend. It can even lead to an ultimatum: them or your best friend? And that’s a position nobody wants to get into.

6 You may regret it.

Whether it was a one-time thing or something occurring for months, it’s possible to wish that you didn’t have sex in the first place. The reason can be among what we listed above. From regret, there’s guilt because you can only wish for things to go back to the way they used to. But instead, you’re at a point of no return. Thus, you have to be sure of your choices and further establish firmer boundaries to avoid any emotional conflict.

Important Tips To Remember and Uphold 

Right before you decide to have sex with your best friend, browse through these tips to help you along your adventure.

1 Have an open and honest conversation about it.

Being friends means being able to talk about whatever’s on your mind freely and safely without judgment. You’re each other’s soundboards, listening to what one has to say and even sharing your thoughts when asked. So when the topic of sex is on the table, come clean and transparent with your interests and hard no’s in the bedroom. Then listen to them when they tell you what they’re into and what they’re not. 

Agree on what you can both do in the bedroom and avoid the ones you both don’t like. For example, you both like dirty talk mixed with praise but neither of you like getting cuffed.

2 Get clear on your sexual history.

Sure, you’ve heard about your best friend’s varying sexcapades. It’s not news to you that they sleep around and vice versa. But coming clear with your sexual histories is key to healthy and responsible sex. That way, it prevents anyone from contracting an STD.

3 Decide on how long you’ll keep this arrangement for.

Is it just a night or a few weeks or months? Knowing the duration of this set-up can set better expectations and avoid any confusion regarding your friendship.

4 Establish strong boundaries and non-negotiables!

Literally the foundation of this entire set-up! Especially when you’re friends and have had your fair share of heart-to-heart talks, talking about important things like casual sex should come easy. Although it may also be a challenge if such an idea between you and them is new, the importance of setting boundaries and non-negotiables outweighs that. 

Boundaries emphasize comfort and how you want to be treated during sex. An example is having a safe word system, wherein go is to keep going, yellow to slow down, then red to completely stop. 

As for non-negotiables, they are the things that need to be discussed. For example, using a condom is a non-negotiable.

5 Take your time with one another.

What’s the rush? Taking this huge step in your friendship can be nerve-wracking, so ease yourself into it. Have a playful conversation or play a movie to break the ice, then slowly linger your finger on them before kissing one another. There are many ways to gradually get into the zone, especially if your best friend is involved, so get creative. Just remember that the main takeaway here is that you wouldn’t want to overwhelm them or be overwhelmed.

6 Use protection!

Even more so that you’re best friends, having safe, protected sex is important. It ensures the prevention of STDs, unexpected pregnancies, and even a pregnancy scare. The most common yet crucial means of protection is the barrier method aka. a condom. Those are the only tools that can avoid contracting STDs. 

For vulva owners, you can also make use of hormonal birth control on top of condoms if you’re having sex with a penis owner.

7 Use lube.

For vulva owners, lube enhances their natural wetness, making things smoother and more satisfying. They can also be flavored if you consent to your best friend into giving you cunnilingus.

As for those engaging in anal sex, lube is a must-need since the anus doesn’t self-lubricate. Thrusting and penetrating without it causes much pain and friction to both parties involved. That’s not the kind of skin-to-skin contact we’d like to experience with our best friend. 

So again, don’t miss out on the lube!

8 Don’t forget aftercare!

Practicing sexual aftercare post-deed is especially important when you’re both friends! It’s an act of respect and decency towards one another as you step away from the intense feelings associated with sex. Plus, hormones like oxytocin and endorphins are released and should be maximized. Either that or one of you ends up experiencing post-coital dysphoria.

As best friends, aftercare can look like buying your favorite food via takeout, watching a bunch of funny movies, cleaning up after one another, or even playing your favorite video games.

Takeaway

To have sex with my best friend or not? Only you can decide if it’s worth the risk. While its convenience and ease can be tempting, the emotional conflict it can bring may be too much of a gamble. But as long as you have an open conversation about the deed, firmly set proper boundaries and non-negotiables in place, and brainstorm ways to make it comfortable for you two, then things will work out well.