Sexual Confidence: How to Strengthen Your Inner Sex God/dess

Don’t we have those days where we feel confident, then the next, we’ve hit rock bottom? It’s a never-ending instance, but unless we work on it, we’d feel a lot better about ourselves. While self-confidence is one thing, sexual confidence is another. Yet reliant on the former to get its boost.

If we aim to work on how we feel on the outside, why not work on how we look and feel in the bedroom? There’s nothing more powerful than being a sexually confident person who’s dominant enough to recognize their yes’es and no’s.

But how exactly? Read through this intimate guide for tips and tricks on how to build that sexual confidence up.

What is Sexual Confidence?

Hims defines sexual confidence as “the confidence you carry into sexual situations”.

It’s flexible and shifting. Think of self-confidence; you can have it in this one scenario, but in another, it’s not evident.  Sexual confidence comes from within. It’s not a show you put on your partner nor something you entrust them to give you. Only you can provide sexual confidence and work on it day by day.

It’s not how often you have sex or how good you are, based on other people’s opinions. It’s in how good and comfortable you feel with your sexuality and stepping away from any sex-negative cultures or beliefs. In the process, you embrace your sexuality guilt-free.

Traits of Sexual Confidence

How does a person with high sexual confidence present themselves to others? Here are some common traits to expect from that kind of person.

1 They know their sexual desires and needs.

From your sexual orientation, fantasies, and acts that you find pleasurable sexually, someone with sexual confidence would know these things from the back of their head. Or maybe they like giving it. (Ayeeee…)

To become more sexually confident, you must explore various sexual deeds that align with your orientation and deepest desires. That way, you’d keep track of what you like and do not like, then put it into practice. Alone or with a partner.

2 They get excited to talk about sex.

Sex is normal. It’s part of life, and there are so many things under that umbrella you can discuss. Rather than feel ashamed or bashful, they embrace that side of themselves and even help others open up to the topic. Without forcing anyone, of course. The more we talk about sex, the less negativity surrounds it.

And the more sexual confidence we acquire!

We also educate others who grew up caged from such an important topic. Plus, we can share what others call “hoe stories”, wherein we explicitly share our sexcapades with our friends. Either as advice or giving them a life update.

3 They’re aware of their limits.

From sexual exploration, you’ll have a list of things you may never want to do in the bedroom. It’ll be easy to enforce this when you have a partner. Because of this, you’d gain sexual confidence because you stay firm in stating what you’re willing to embark on and not. This also works when you learn your partner’s limits and accept them openly.

4 They believe that they deserve pleasure.

Recite it like an affirmation!

Someone with sexual confidence has strong faith that sex is a gift, wherein we deserve to indulge in it. Giving or receiving it, they wouldn’t let anyone question it or take it away from them. Sex is a part of life, so why not venture into it and unravel what it is you’d like about it? It makes you more present and divulges the different sensations your body feels.

This also makes them comfortable to open up about their sex lives.

5 They listen to their partner when it comes to sex.

Having sexual confidence means having strong communication skills with your partner. As you tell them what you need, it allows them to share their sexual turn-ons and turn-offs. A sexually confident would take note of them so they can both have enjoyable sexcapades, whether it be learning more about your bodies or trying out new kinks or fantasies in the bedroom.

Why People Lack Sexual Confidence

Some factors contribute to decreasing one’s sexual confidence. Keep reading this section to find out more.

1 Past Experiences

Let’s face it. We all have past sexcapades that we want to forget or void in our lives completely. But at the same time, it influences our sexual confidence negatively. Our past experiences can vary from inexperience, almost contracting an infection, faking an orgasm, or getting rejected for an orgasm or any sexual activity. Another would be unintentionally bleeding in bed from such penetration, and the person you’re sleeping with scolds you after. Trust us when we say that the latter happens to females, and it’s a further reminder to not be an a******.

2 Medical Conditions

When our health is low, we can’t help but feel negative because it hinders us from reaching our full potential. In terms of sex, some conditions give males and females self-consciousness and anxiety towards their sexual performance. It would also impact the pleasure of sex for them.

Conditions that may affect males and their sexual confidence include Premature Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction. For females, they can be diagnosed with Anorgasmia (difficulty in having an orgasm) and Dyspareunia (pain while doing the deed).

3 Body Insecurities

This factor manifests differently in males and females.

Males may feel insecure over the length or girth of their penis. It’s 2023, guys. Performance always triumphs, working the most with what you got. They can also stem insecurity by their height and weight, wherein they can think, “oh, I’m too lanky/stout/short/tall” for this person.

Females can feel self-conscious over their physical looks. From their face, breasts, butt, legs, and this list goes on, it makes them wonder how their partner perceives them. Because they think their partner would view them as ugly because they view themselves that way.

These are some insecurities we may have encountered at some point in our lives, which lower our sexual confidence. But if we can work through them, we can slowly yet surely lessen the negative feelings.

4 Fear of Intimacy

In having sex, we are still prone to STIs and unexpected pregnancy. Even if using protection is involved, the idea of those things happening can stop us from doing the deed entirely. There’s that anxiety creeping in to share the worst possible scenario with you.

Emotional neglect is another possibility. We could’ve gained the proper attention from our parents growing up, but that wasn’t the case. This builds up fear of relying on and trusting others, to be completely vulnerable to them. With sex being a moment of letting go, it may be too much for a person to handle.

Abuse, sexual, physical, or verbal, can also hinder one from gaining sexual confidence. It becomes difficult to establish a relationship with anyone for fear that they’ll hurt them like they were in the past. It’s inevitable, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to overcome step by step.

Tips on How to Increase Your Sexual Confidence

You’ve made it to the chunkiest section! At this point, you’re really curious and eager to make a change in your sexual confidence. Well, look no further! Browse through this section, which is packed with helpful solutions that’ll boost your sexual confidence over time.

1 Be compassionate with yourself.

If you grew up in an environment that condemned sex or anything under that umbrella, don’t shame yourself.

Tap into your emotions, all the good and bad. Forgive yourself for any negative comments you’ve given yourself or for following negative beliefs that led to a division between other people.

Heal through self-love activities, such as reciting affirmations, mirror work, or even having a warm bath/shower. Masturbation also counts as a way to celebrate yourself, and perhaps buying a sex toy that’ll tick check marks off your list.

Alongside compassion, be patient with yourself through your journey to sexual confidence.

2 Voice out any body issues.

How we view our bodies can impact our self-confidence and sexual confidence. Gaining a healthier view towards them leads to feeling comfortable and happy in our skin rather than being nitpicky and letting any perfectionist urges out. One way to voice out your body issues is to observe your self-talk.

If you’d say, “My vagina is so dark”, try to switch the angle by saying, “My vagina allows me to feel various sensations during sex”.

There’s that goal to accept yourself as you are over time. Whether to follow a body positivity movement or take baby steps with body neutrality. If you have body dysmorphia, you can work it out with proper treatment and lifestyle changes.

Exercising is also another way to address any body-related issues. Whether you are overweight, obese, or experiencing any sexual dysfunction conditions, incorporating active movement can improve your health and sexual confidence.

3 Reflect and evaluate your past experiences.

If you’re ready to jump into a new relationship, it means a fresh start with your sex life. A chance to fix and improve what didn’t work before to become a better companion in bed.

Take this time to think about what you liked about your former partners.

 

Did you like how rough/soft they were?
Was it how they performed your favorite kinks?
Which partner was the most memorable one?
Who gave you the most mind-blowing orgasms?
Who satisfied your needs the most?

4 Express your true, authentic self!

Working on your self-confidence while navigating your sexual confidence can greatly help.

Observe if you’ve been expressing yourself through clothes, words, etc., is how you truly want to express yourself. Subtle differences can change the big picture in the long run. Avoid doing, wearing, or expressing things you “should” do because that’s what society dictates you to do.

So find whatever excites your soul or brings out your happiest side, and stick to them. Those will boost your self-confidence, which can play a major role in boosting your sexual confidence.

5 Explore your sexuality.

Everyone’s body is built differently. What one likes won’t be the case for another person.

By exploring your sexuality, it allows you to be more intimate and connect with yourself. Thus, have a curious, open mindset when it comes to sex. Find out what makes you feel good! Scratch off what doesn’t. Learn what parts of yourself you’re proud of and aspects you’re insecure about.

Even if no one wants to focus on the negative sides, it leaves other possible interests and fantasies to experiment on. You can even rely on pornographic materials to widen your knowledge.

And most importantly, masturbate! Touch, fondle, rub, or whatever pleasing action out there your sensitive spots to witness, which can make you combust in satisfaction. Venturing through various sex partners if you’re single can also widen your range and knowledge.

Work on the relationship you have with yourself to improve your sexual confidence. From there, you can even bring a partner into the mix. Having satisfying, mind-blowing sexcapades with yourself first uplifts your sexual confidence gradually.

6 Pleasure over performance.

Instead of thinking of sex as an act, center yourself on feeling the various sensations in your body during coitus. By you or someone else, you swerve from focusing on what you should feel to what actually feels good and enjoyable. Rather than relying on other’s people experiences, you trust your body to tell you what arouses you and such.

 

Do I like making out as foreplay?
What are some roleplay scenarios I’d like to try?
Do I like it slow and sensual or fast and rough?
Am I into giving or receiving oral sex? Maybe both?
How would my partner love to be pleased?
Would this vibrator pleasure my nipples as much as it pleased my private parts?

 

By knowing more about these things among many others, diving deeper into your sexuality, you’d gain more sexual confidence.

7 Practice mindfulness.

Practicing mindfulness while doing the deed teaches you to be present and observe your environment. It takes you out of your stress and anxiety, which is common when you’re about to have sex — first time or not.

Mindfulness invites calmness and relaxation as it encourages you not to get into your head too much. The less paranoia in your head, the more conscious you are of your surroundings. In regards to sex, you’d be more aware of what’s going on and revel in the moment. Thus, sexual confidence builds up.

There are a couple of ways to practice mindfulness in this context. Christie Federico, M.Ed., a relationship and empowerment coach, shares two mindfulness techniques to try: engaging one of your five senses and deep breathing.

With tuning into one of your five senses, wherein if you use sight, look at how your partner’s eyes crinkle as they enter you. If smell, sniff the scented candles you lit up in the space. For hearing, listen to both your moans and grunts from the pleasure. With touch, observe how their fingers graze over your forehead to push some hair strands away. And lastly, with taste, remember the minty flavor of their lips from the candy they munched on before they kissed you. This idea can go a lot of ways!

Another way to practice mindfulness here is by taking deep breaths. This helps relax your muscles and mind from any nerves and tension. You also drop any negative self-talk and focus only on the intimate moment you’ll share with your partner. Or even yourself if you’re masturbating. Breathe in slowly and take your time here.

8 Surround yourself with sex-positive people or groups.

End the stigma!

Having a supportive circle boosts your sexual confidence and gives you an avenue to share, ask questions, and many more. You are who you surround yourself with, and choosing open, accepting people means that you resonate with them.

No more room for judgment. You want to be a safe space for others as much as they are for you.

 

Have a thing for pegging? Ask them for tips.
Debating about partaking in either a nurse-patient or CEO-employee roleplay in the bedroom? Get their input.
Do you want to share how someone allowed you to sit on their face? Scream, squeal, spill all the deets about it!

 

Change the narrative on how openly talking about sex is taboo or disrespectful. It’s a part of life, and it builds community.

9 Direct communication is key.

When you have a more vivid idea of what you desire in sex, you must address them to your partners.

In other words, tell them what you want! They are not mind-readers, so before getting down and dirty, share with them your needs and desires. Or maybe even during the deed (after talking firsthand), you want to try something, so your hand leads theirs to a part of yourself (breast, private part, neck, you call it). Whether it be to squeeze, knead, slap, or choke (safely) you.

Get clear with each other constantly, not just for sex, but with your overall relationship. That way, it’ll strengthen your bond and trust with each other. And most importantly, direct and proper communication allows you and your partner to give consent. Never ever forget this!

10 Establish proper boundaries.

With stating the things you’re willing to experiment and do in sex, it’s key to address what you wouldn’t want to do. Those would be your boundaries, your limits. We all have them, and the same goes for your partner. They can be similar or different; we’d only know if we talk about it.

When you do, don’t hold these things against them and vice versa. If they say no, that’s enough. Anything forceful or non-consensual is disrespectful to one another. In fact, boundaries are set to protect yourself from getting hurt.

In being able to address and establish boundaries, your relationship becomes healthier, more respectful, and fortified.

11 Venture through various sexual interests with your partner.

The last thing we’d want to experience is faking an o. Giving that person a fake ego boost so they’d stop their not-so-pleasuring antics or not embarrass them. Tragic really.

So if you’re with another partner, someone you’d like to have a long-term relationship with, sex is an important factor. Thus, it’d be beneficial to work things out by wandering through numerous sexual interests. From fantasies, kinks, roleplay scenarios, and even venues, there are a lot of sexual activities you can do with each other.

From public sex, degradation kink, incorporating a couple vibrator, or kitchen sex, the choices are yours and your partner’s to make. To try and embark on activities that fit your dynamic and which don’t. By developing more routines related to sex, you can practice your performances and further enhance your sex life and sexual confidence.

12 Seek professional help.

Sexual performance conditions such as PE and ED are common, which can affect one’s sexual confidence. But thankfully, medical treatments are available to alleviate them. Match this with an active lifestyle and proper diet so your sexual performance will get re-enhanced.

Aside from this, it’s also possible for medical conditions to be a result of existing mental issues, such as depression and anxiety. On that note, consulting a therapist would help identify the root of your problems and how to work and solve them. Having someone to whom you express your concerns will improve your mental health.

If that improves, so does your sexual confidence.

Takeaway

Sexual confidence is a gradual process with triumphs and trials in one’s life. One day, it’s there, and you’re having a blast with your partner or yourself. The next, you’ll be wondering why things went a certain way and ponder on how to fix it. But if you remain dedicated and persistent in fixing how you view yourself and your sexuality, then the sexual confidence will be within your grasp to channel. We wish you the very best on your journey into becoming your most sexually confident selves, readers!