10 Hazardous Signs A Person Is Selfish in Bed

The last thing anyone would want to have is a selfish lover, even more so in the bedroom. Like they only want their desires fulfilled and completely neglect yours? Yeah, no. We’re gonna pass on that.

But aside from this, there are many other signs your partner is selfish in bed that you may not have noticed. And based on your presence here, you’re eager to uncover what each of them are! 

In this short guide, we’ll break down each indicator of a selfish lover during sex so you can spare yourself the stress.

1 They want to be the only ones taking charge.

A selfish partner wants to control everything that goes on during the deed.

They want to dictate the pace, when and where you’ll do it, and the specific activities that make them get off. They hold the script, wherein you are no collaborator or equal. You’re their side character who just obeys and goes with their flow, which is not how good sex works.

2 Or rather, they make you do the work.

This indicator can look like making you initiate the deed every time and being the giver of sexual pleasure. Specifically, their sexual pleasure. And in return, you never receive anything in return because they choose not to. This is unfair when sex is a mutual exchange of pleasure so both ends get to experience being a giver and receiver. It also shows that they don’t put that much effort into satisfying you just as much as you do. Like boo!

3 They always expect something in return.

Almost like a transaction, a selfish lover would request something after a session of intimacy. May it be having sex again in a different way or something tangible, such an exchange can be toxic and manipulative as it gives them power and control over you. Sex should be enjoyed as it is, not as a means to get something more from someone.

4 Your desires aren’t heard or considered.

The main priority of sex is that it should be reciprocated, wherein both your sexual needs and wants are shed light. However, a selfish lover wouldn’t bother to ask what you want in the bedroom and resume to only do what they want. And nothing else because they only think of themselves, which is literally the definition of selfishness.

As a result, you find yourself unsatisfied and only following what they want to avoid drama. You also don’t get to explore as much as you wanted because their needs hold you back.

5 They aren’t eager to try new things in the bedroom.

Almost in line with the previous sign! Not having the eagerness to explore just shows that they don’t want to leave their comfort zone. Such a mindset is not a great way to live your life! When you don’t try new things in the bedroom, sex can be boring and feel like a routine. With a selfish partner, they only want to stick to what they know without any compromises whatsoever.

6 They skip the foreplay.

You need foreplay before engaging in penetration as a way to warm up your bodies fully, avoiding potential friction and injuries. By skipping it, you’re setting yourselves up for a possible disaster that takes some time to recover. Like bestie, fingering for 5 seconds to check if they’re wet and tight is not enough preparation for the deed.

7 They don’t listen to your boundaries.

Boundaries are what keep you safe from harm from anything, especially when it comes to sex. It can look like not wanting to do certain sexual activities, avoiding doing the deed when you’re both tired or intoxicated, or not touching specific erogenous zones.

Whatever limits or no-go zones you’ve set, they don’t bat an eye as they cross it or force you to do them. For example, you’re not in the mood to have sex right after one day of work, but they are and keep pushing for it. Such an act is also a type of sexual violation that can negatively harm your overall health.

8 When they’re done, they’re done.

As you and your partner do the deed and they reach their climax, they call it quits and start unwinding. Or even getting ready to leave your place! It’s even worse when you haven’t reached an o’, and they already reject any further sexual advances because again, they’re done and already exhausted. 

And imagine if they’re the type to finish fast? Girl, run while you still can.

9 They don’t help clean up.

Sex is messy with all the sweat, grime, and discharges involved. It’s only proper hygiene to get cleaned up, like taking a shower and changing the sheets depending on how crazy you two were. But instead, it’s a solo affair when they don’t bother to help out. And the shower part? Ignoring that is just nasty like don’t get too close to me!

10 Aftercare is not on their list.

Now this sign can also count as a bright red flag in a partner.

Sexual aftercare helps you ease and transition back into your normal routine after the intensity of sex. Without it, you’re prone to post-coital dysphoria or harboring negative feelings like abandonment or feeling like you’re not good enough. A selfish partner would simply get to their next plan without checking up on you or taking care of you. In turn, it can make you overthink or feel bad about yourself.

How Can I Work Things Out With a Selfish Partner?

Start by having a sex-related conversation with them. This lets you open up to them about what you’ve noticed and felt when you do the deed. In turn, it paves the way for you to share what you want to change. Give them time to process your words and respond to you. From this conversation, it’s further helpful to have these talks every so often to align with each other and your fluid needs and desires. And making compromises are also key here so both parties are satisfied!

Takeaway

A selfish lover or partner in the bedroom can manifest in various ways. As a result, there’s a lot of frustration and dissatisfaction from all that one-sided action. Thus, it’s really important to open up about any sex-related concerns to one another and make it a normal topic for conversations. That way, you can improve and debrief on your sexcapades and make the necessary compromises.

For more sex-related guides such as this one, head on over to the Lauvblog over here.