Vanilla Sex: Bland Way to Have Sex or Key to Blissful Os?

If you’ve been reading our blog, you probably know that we’ve always advocated enhancing intimate plays. Life’s too short for unsatisfying sex, which is why we’ve consistently encouraged broadening your erotic explorations, be it through the introduction of sex toys, the exploration of kinks, or the incorporation of various sensual novelties. However, this guide isn’t going to talk about the latest activities in the kink space or a trending sex position. This guide is all about rediscovering the beauty of vanilla sex and why it’s not as boring as people perceive it to be.

What Exactly is Vanilla Sex?

The term “vanilla sex” originated within the kink communities as a means to differentiate between BDSM activities and more traditional forms of sexual intimacy.

If you’re not quite familiar with BDSM, it stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism and explores a variety of activities centered around power dynamics and consensual play involving pain. It’s not as grim or dark as you think it would be and is customizable to suit your comfort level and preferences. However, it’s still an entirely different ball game compared to conventional sex.

At first, vanilla sex didn’t have a negative reputation attached to it. But then, with the rise of BDSM into pop culture, thanks to the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, Bonding, and similar hits, the conversation around it started to change. Suddenly, kinky is in, and sexual activities such as bondage play, choking, hair pulling, and rough sex are starting to trend. At the same time, vanilla sex has gradually become synonymous with boring or bad sex.

Vanilla vs. Kinky: What’s the Difference?

We’ve lightly brushed on this topic above, but now, let’s dive deeper into what distinguishes vanilla sex from its kinkier counterparts.

1Vanilla is conventional, kinky is experimental.

To help us navigate the differences between these two sexual acts, let’s compare kinky and vanilla sex to ice cream flavors.

Vanilla sex is like a classic scoop of your good ‘ol vanilla ice cream. It’s the comfort food of the sexual spectrum— rich and creamy, with those subtle yet unmistakable hints of caramel woven through its essence. This flavor is timeless, universally beloved, and embodies the warmth of tradition. It’s the kind of experience that, while familiar, never fails to satisfy, offering a sense of security and comfort in its consistency.

On the other hand, kinky sex leans to avant-garde. It still has the same vanilla-flavored base, but now, intriguingly mixed with a sprinkle of fiery chili flakes, a generous drizzle of decadent caramel sauce, and a handful of roasted almonds for a crunch. This combination is unexpected and not for everyone, which is precisely its charm. Some who taste it find themselves pleasantly surprised; their taste buds awakened to new dimensions of pleasure, eagerly coming back for more. Others might find the combination too far removed from their comfort zone, opting instead for the familiarity of the classic flavors.

This analogy illustrates the main difference between vanilla and kinky sex but also goes to show that much like ice cream flavors catering to different palates, different kinds of sexual acts work uniquely with different individuals.

2Vanilla covers the basics, kinky goes beyond.

Vanilla sex covers the fundamental aspects of physical intimacy. This includes kissing, caressing, and the more straightforward aspects of sexual relations. These acts form the backbone of what many people consider a satisfying sexual experience, focusing on emotional connection and mutual pleasure derived from simpler yet profoundly intimate acts.

On the other hand, kinky incorporates activities such as roleplaying, bondage play, impact play (spanking), and other activities that you don’t see in conventional sex.

3You’ll likely have vanilla sex at some point, but kinks? They’re optional.

Vanilla sex is almost a rite of passage in human sexuality. It’s where most people start their sexual journey, exploring their desires and boundaries in a more familiar context. It’s the common language of intimacy; even if you venture into kinkier territories later on, vanilla remains a touchstone for many. Meanwhile, kinky sex is done by people who are willing to explore it.

4Vanilla sex doesn’t need as much prep time as kinky sex.

Vanilla sex is the kind of intimacy that can happen naturally without the need for extensive preparation or planning. You can get cozy with your beau; the next thing you know, you’re making out and removing each other’s clothes. This ease of engagement makes vanilla sex a go-to for many, providing a straightforward path to physical intimacy and connection.

That’s not the case with kinky sex. Yes, you can still infuse spontaneity in this type of sex-tivity, but they need planning most of the time. Depending on the activities involved, you might need to discuss boundaries, safe words, and preferences in advance, plus you’ll need to prepare some BDSM toys and other essentials.

Some might think it is a “mood killer,” but this preparation is part of the experience, creating a space where all parties feel safe, respected, and excited about the sensual adventure ahead.

5Vanilla sex is more intimate, while kinky sex is wilder.

Vanilla sex is more correlated to lovemaking as it focuses more on emotional connection and mutual pleasure. It’s seen as a deeply personal and tender expression of love, where the physical acts are intertwined with feelings of affection and closeness. This isn’t to say vanilla sex can’t be passionate or intense, but it’s often characterized by a sense of mutual vulnerability and care.

Kinky sex, with its exploration of fantasies and perhaps less conventional desires, can seem wilder by comparison. It’s the thrill of the unknown, the excitement of experimentation. Yet, this doesn’t mean it lacks intimacy. In fact, the trust and communication required to explore kinks can deepen the connection between partners, creating its own unique form of intimacy.

Common Misconceptions About Vanilla Sex

Now that we’ve fully explored the difference between vanilla and kinky plays let’s clarify some of the misconceptions about conventional sex.

1“It’s boring!”

There’s a common misconception that individuals who favor vanilla sex might lack excitement or adventurousness in their preferences, leading some enthusiasts of vanilla intimacy to downplay or even conceal their true desires.

Yet, here’s an essential truth worth celebrating—vanilla sex is incredibly enjoyable and far from monotonous! It offers a playground of possibilities to discover, from mastering various oral sex techniques and experimenting with different sex positions to the thrill of changing locations. There’s still much to explore, even if you don’t involve handcuffs and floggers. In fact, that’s what makes vanilla sex great— it proves that passion does not always require pushing the envelope to the extremes.

2“It’s unsatisfying.”

Another common myth about vanilla sex is that it isn’t as satisfying as kinky plays, particularly for women.

While it’s true that the orgasm gap—where women in heterosexual relationships often reach climax less frequently than their male counterparts—is a notable issue, this doesn’t mean vanilla sex is inherently lacking in fulfillment for either party involved.

Also, wild sex doesn’t guarantee orgasms. Sometimes, couples can become so engrossed in the theatrics of their kinky sessions that they overlook the core elements of sexual intimacy.

Overall, vanilla sex has the potential to be as deeply satisfying as that perfect cup of coffee on a leisurely morning— comforting, familiar, and yet full of surprises in its richness.

3“It’s only done by religious or ultra-conservative people.”

Time to break this stereotype: vanilla sex isn’t exclusive to any one demographic. People from all walks of life, with varying beliefs and backgrounds, find joy and fulfillment in the simplicity and intimacy of vanilla sex. It’s less about conservatism and more about personal preference, comfort, and the connection you seek with your partner.

Like choosing a classic scoop of vanilla ice cream, it’s about what brings you joy, not your ideology.

4“Queer people can’t enjoy it.”

The notion that vanilla sex is solely the domain of heterosexual couples is a misconception that couldn’t be further from the truth. In reality, same-sex couples also enjoy the realms of vanilla intimacy, although the specific activities might differ from those traditionally associated with heterosexual relationships.

For instance, a lesbian couple might view strap-on play and tribbing as their version of vanilla, while for gay couples, anal penetration might be considered a standard aspect of their intimate encounters. What’s considered vanilla in these contexts might be perceived as more adventurous or kinky from a heterosexual viewpoint.

5“It’s bland and too basic!”

Most peeps feel a sense of embarrassment in confessing their preference for vanilla sex, stemming from a pervasive stereotype that it’s the choice of “basic” people—those perceived as lacking depth or individuality, merely following the crowd without distinct preferences of their own. However, this assumption couldn’t be further from the truth.

Your sensual desires and preferences shouldn’t be a barometer of your personality or complexity as a human being. In fact, let’s take this up a notch— why do people resort to labeling other individuals as “basic” or “normie?” Why should there be judgment around people who like trends or prefer simpler things, especially when they bring joy and harm no one?

Not to sound too preachy, but it’s time we advocate for a world where people feel empowered to enjoy what resonates with them, free from labels and stereotypes. After all, the true measure of an individual’s character lies in their actions, kindness, and how they treat others—not in the details of their erotic interests.

Why Vanilla Sex Rocks

After peeling back the layers of misconceptions and contrasting it with its kinkier counterpart, it’s high time we dive into the heart of the matter: the undeniable allure of vanilla sex and the reasons people are drawn to it.

1It can be incredibly passionate.

Vanilla sex, especially with someone you really love, is super special and can feel amazing, even if it’s a bit more straightforward than the adventurous stuff. Imagine those long looks into each other’s eyes, kisses that start soft and get all intense, and that deep connection that’s hard to find words for. It’s all about being real and showing your true feelings.

2It’s less complex.

Another great thing about vanilla sex is it doesn’t come with extra things to do— no props, no plans, and no need to “perform.” It’s just you and your partner, a bottle of lube, and that undying passion for one another. If you’re feeling a bit saucy, you can bring in some love toys, but nothing too complex for your liking.

3Not everyone’s into the kinky stuff, and that’s cool.

Some folks are all about spicing things up with a little kink in their love life, but plenty are totally cool with keeping things simple. Vanilla sex is all about enjoying the basics; no complicated kinks or fetishes are needed. And hey, not everyone’s into the wilder stuff regarding the bedroom, and that’s fine!

4It’s ideal for those who only have a little time on their hands.

Let’s face it, we’re all a bit strapped for time these days. If your schedule is packed tighter than a fast food chain during lunch, vanilla sex can be the ideal quick getaway. It’s the perfect way to connect and unwind with your partner without blocking out half your day for prep and play. Think of it as the quick but breathtakingly beautiful hike versus the three-day mountaineering expedition.

5Some people find it more satisfying than unconventional sex.

Yes, some people find vanilla plays more satisfying. There’s something special about that deep intimacy, the closeness, and tuning into each other’s pleasure that makes it super fulfilling. Plus, when you’ve hit on the right techniques that work wonders for you and your partner, it’s natural to stick with what you know feels amazing.

Sure, a little sexploration can be fun now and then, but it makes sense to lean into what you know hits the spot perfectly.

How Do You Know if Vanilla Sex Works for You?

There’s no right or wrong way to answer this question, as you’re the only person who can figure out if you like vanilla sex, kinky plays, or a mix of both of them. But to serve as a guide, here are some signs and examples to help you figure it out:

• You might find deep fulfillment in making eye contact, slow kissing, and cuddling during and after sex.
• The thought of props, roles, and elaborate scenarios feels overwhelming or unnecessary.
• Sticking to what you know and love brings you the most pleasure.
• You don’t feel a strong drive to constantly explore new kinks or fetishes.
• Feeling safe, familiar, and comfortable is crucial to your sexual enjoyment.

Takeaway

Vanilla sex may be pretty straightforward compared to wilder sexual activities, but it certainly works for most people. If you’re one of them, embrace the simplicity and don’t force yourself into trying things you’re uncomfortable with. There’s a world of depth, passion, and enjoyment to be found in the simplicity of vanilla plays, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with savoring every moment of it.